Dont Communicate Comic Strips - Page 96
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Share September 16, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert is at the airport. The Elbonian at the ticket counter of Elbonia Air says, "I don't see your reservation." The Elbonian continues, "Maybe it's because all of our computers are cardboard props that we stole from a furniture store." The Elbonian holds gloves out towards Dilbert and says, "For security purposes, would you care to frisk me?" Dilbert responds, "Yes."
Share October 03, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert is meeting with a salesman. The salesman says, "We provide win-win scenarios and customer-focused solutions." Dilbert responds, "Uh.. Okay.. But what is the actual product or service you sell?" The salesman says, "We don't sell; we partner." Dilbert responds, "I don't buy; I shovel."
Share October 04, 2002's comic on:
Headline: The Vendor That Couldn't Describe His Company's Product. A salesman says, "It integrates the resources..." The salesman continues, "To optimize the performance of technology." Dilbert asks, "Yeah, but what is it?" The salesman responds, "Hey, if you don't want your resources to be integrated, just say so."
Share October 17, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert is sitting at his computer. A coworker approaches and says, "Can you come to the product-launch party next week?" Dilbert responds, "No. I'll be working day and night for five years to build the product you think you're launching." The coworker says, "Something tells me you don't add much to a party." Dilbert responds, "You haven't seen my mime impression."
Share October 21, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Dogbert the Investment Banker. Dogbert hands The Boss a piece of paper and says, "Here's a deal sheet for a company you should buy." Dogbert continues, "They're defending against a trillion-dollar asbestos lawsuit, and they have no earnings." Dogbert continues, "But that's okay because stock analysts don't dig that far into the minutiae."
Share October 29, 2002's comic on:
Headline: Dogbert the Attorney. Dogbert says to The Boss, "Your best defense is to say you were ignorant of your company's stock manipulation." Dogbert continues, "We need to convince a judge that you're dumber than chocolate pants at an outdoor Las Vegas photography convention." The Boss replies, "I don't get that." Dogbert says, "E-E-Excellent."
Share October 30, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert says to a jury, "I will prove that my client is too dumb to embezzle." Dogbert continues, "Or, failing in that, I'll prove that you're too dumb to know he did it." The judge starts, "Mister Dogbert..." Dogbert interrupts, "Don't get me started about you."
Share November 09, 2002's comic on:
Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. He says to The Boss, "Don't give performance reviews on time." Catbert continues, "Wait until an employee screws up something big, then pounce!" A frazzled employee with torn clothes and smoking hair says to The Boss, "...I forgot to unplug the demo unit and it burned down our customer's headquarters." The Boss asks, "Do you have a minute?"
Share November 26, 2002's comic on:
Wally is listening to his headphones in his cubicle and sings aloud, "Oops, I did it again.." Wally gets up and dances. He thinks, "With headphones I sound exactly like Britney Spears." Alice and Dilbert lean over the cubicle wall and watch Dilbert dancing. Alice says, "I'd slap him but I don't want to touch him."
Share November 30, 2002's comic on:
Dilbert says to Wally, who is still in an arm sling and head cone, "This is a guess, but I think your doctor is a vet." Wally responds, "I don't know about his military service. I just know he has great cookies." Wally continues, "And I like it when he rubs my belly." Dilbert says, "I know something you don't know."