Office Workers Comic Strips - Page 96

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags meeting, weekly report, feng shui, workspace, ceo, consultant, record, microphone, nervous, disbelief, excuse, superstition, business

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Wally says, "I couldn't work this week because my workspace has bad Feng Shui." Wally says, "I know Feng Shui is a real thing because our CEO hired a Feng Shui consultant to design his office." Wally says, "Do you agree, or are you saying that our CEO is a superstitious simpleton?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new vice president of engineering, office, lack of experience, revenge, office politics, worry, sabotage, best engineer, 4g, skeptical, false information

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The New VP The Boss says, "Don't worry that I wanted your job, or that you have no experience in this field." The Boss says, "I won't try to sabotage you. In fact, I'll send you my best engineer to bring you up to speed." Vice President says, "So... it's called 4G because it's G-G-G-Good." Wally says, "Something like that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags powerpoint proboscis, medical condition, nose grows, long nose, lie, pinocchio, garbage man, Advice, corporate whistle-blower, nose through garbage bag

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Asok says, "My nose grows when my co-workers tell lies." Garbage man says, "Does it whistle?" Asok says, "Sometimes, a little bit." Garbage man says, "You're evolving into a corporate whistle-blower." Asok says, "Are you lying?" Garbage man says, "Yeah, I just wanted to see it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deadline, late, engineer code, lightsaber, kill, annoy, flashlight, yell, close eyes, mouth open, office

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Dilbert says, "I cannot meet your arbitrary deadline, so the engineer's code requires me to kill myself with a lightsaber." Dilbert says, "But lightsabers haven't been invented yet. The best I can do is annoy myself with a flashlight." The Boss says, "Could you do this in the hall?" Dilbert says, "Annoyance before dishonor!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags lecture, office, philosophy, point, unknown, go home early

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Dilbert says, "There's no objective standard for measuring how much I should accomplish in any given day." Dilbert says, "Nor can we really know if things would have turned out better had I don't things differently." The Boss says, "Do you have a point?" Dilbert says, "I'm going home early. See if you can tell the difference."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags office, Environment, risks, mistakes, fist, hard job

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The Boss says, "My job is to create an environment where employees feel safe taking risks." The Boss says, "My other job is punishing employees who make any kind of mistake." The Boss says, "My point is that I'm glad I don't have your job."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags piece of paper, request, office, deadline, vague, failure, work hard

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Dilbert says, "The request we got for a quote is vague, and the deadline for our response is tomorrow." Dilbert says, "If I ask for clarity, we'll miss the the deadline. If I don't, our bid will either be below our cost or too high to win." Dilbert says, "Which path of certain failure do you prefer?" The Boss says, "I like the one that makes you work the hardest."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags flying monkey, supreme leadership, heir, father, son, crazy, office, Family

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CEO says, "Assemble the supreme leadership board. I am ready to name an heir to succeed me." Dilbert says, "We don't have a supreme leadership board, and this isn't a hereditary dictatorship." CEO says, "That's crazy talk." Monkey says, "Ignore him, daddy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, happy, prince of insufficient light, devil, giant spoon, meeting, photoshop, upset, sweat, grab tie, business

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Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light Phil says, "You stand accused of being happy at work."<RB>Phil says, "Your penalty is to attend a meeting so horrible that none may speak its name." Photoshop your co-worker's photo onto the torso below. Dilbert says, "No... Please... anything but this."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags acting, lesson, occupation

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The Boss says, "We don't have enough money to fund your project, but I don't want to downsize you and shrink my empire." The Boss says, "I hired an acting coach to teach you how to hang around the office pretending to be useful." man says, "Are you dead or just non-expressive?" Dilbert says, "It's called a 'job'"