One Year Project Comic Strips - Page 96

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View 951 - 960 results for one year project comic strips. Discover the best "One Year Project" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #christmas, #dog

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Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert hands Dilbert a list and says, "Here's a list of my Christmas demands." Dogbert says, "Follow the instructions and nobody gets hurt." Dilbert says, "You're bluffing. You wouldn't hurt my plastic window Santa." Dogbert holds the electric cord to the decoration and says, "One yank and he's off life support!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #christmas, #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #office, #computer, #shopping

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Dogbert sits on the edge of the desk. Dogbert says, "How can this be the season of good cheer when I don't even have my gifts yet?" Dogbert continues, "I mean, what if you get me something stupid? I'll hate you forever and have to run away." Dilbert says, "Your psychology won't work this year. I will not buy more gifts." Dogbert says, "You'll probably find me dead in some snow bank."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #conquer, #building, #Religion, #life, #calculate, #spreadsheet, #law, #students, #zero, #bar

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair. Dogbert tells Dilbert, "I can't decide if it would be better to conquer the world by building an army or starting a religion." Dilbert asks, "Which one would have the least loss of life?" Dogbert replies, "That's what I'm trying to calculate on this spreadsheet." Dilbert asks, "Why are you counting law students as two-tenths of a person?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't drop to zero until they pass the bar."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #c computer lamguage, #black hole, #light can't escape, #field gravity, #ideas, #escape, #lack substance

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"No, 'C' is a computer language, not the grade for my project." "What's happening?" "He turned into a black hole, so dense that light cannot escape his field of gravity." "Ping" "Unfortunately, only his ideas can escape the gravity because they lack substance." "What if you program in 'B'?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #appointment, #booked, #every yahoo, #set priorities, #calendar

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The Boss: As the leader of this organization it's my job to set priorities. Carol: Heres your calendar, I booked you through next year with every yahoo who could dial your number. The Boss: Maybe I'll call this a priority.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #potluck lunch, #bring bags, #salt, #ice, #beverage, #mineral water

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Alice: We've reached a new low in the 'potluck lunch' sign-up. Twelve people signed up to bring bags of ice and one person is bringing slat. I need one of you at least bring a beverage. Wally: Put me down for one bag of sparkling mineral water.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #talking, #glowing terms, #flaming idiot, #dynamite

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Dilbert: "Shhh." Wally: "We were just talking about you, sir...in glowing terms." Dilbert: "He's a flaming idiot." Wally: "One stick of dynamite - it's al I ask."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cut budget, #spinning, #flung, #space, #locusts, #fling locusts

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Tina: "According to you, if I cut your budget the world will abruptly stop spinning and we'll be flung into space." Tina: "Whereas, the risk of cutting Dilbert's project is '...a plage of locusts o'er the land.'" "I'll cut both projects. With any luck, we'll fling the locusts into space." Wally: "Locusts. Real good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no raises, #no promotions, #mathematical certainty, #inflation, #pooer, #uncertainty, #leader, #not just manager

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The Boss: "The company has announced there will be no raises or promotions this year." "Now, there's a mathematical certainty that no matter how hard you work, inflation will make you poorer." Dilbert: "I hated the old way, with all the uncertainty." The Boss: "I'm not just a manager, I'm a leader!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #device, #dogcart scam, #end of world, #evil be gone, #evil money, #give money, #scammer, #take money

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Dogbert: The end of the world is coming in the year 2000. Therefore, you should give me your money before its too late. Dogbert: It is written that money is evil, I'll keep your money in Dogberts special "evil be gone" device. And its completely deductible. ...from your savings. CUSTOMER: So Im actually making money!