Set Up Meeting Comic Strips - Page 96

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1000 Results for Set Up Meeting

View 951 - 960 results for set up meeting comic strips. Discover the best "Set Up Meeting" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, frankness, goals, honesty, managers, root cause, bad parenting, pointy headed boos, underlings, rapidly evolving nature, talented employee, boss life story

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Boss: You haven't achieved any of your goals for the year. What is up with that? Dilbert: Do you want an explanation that goes back to the root cause? Boss: Of course. Dilbert: The problem started years ago, when two idiots unwisely created a third smaller idiot. They compounded their mistake with bad parenting. The toddler ate candy and sniffed wet paint until he became a pointy-headed boss. The pointy-headed boss set goals for his underlings that ignored the rapidly evolving nature of the industry. Then he got angry at his most talented employee for giving an accurate answer to a question. Boss: I hate you. Dilbert: Nothing could halt the downward spiral.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cell phones, distraction, frustration, multitasking, phone, smart phones, playing, karma, wishing death

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Dilbert: I would like to thank each of you for playing with your phones and not listening to a word I said all meeting. I hope karma is a real thing and frozen lavatory debris from airplanes kills each of you. Alice: What was he going on about? Wally: Beats me. I'm not much of a multitasker.

Carol Says Dilbert Had A Vacuuming Accident

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Carol Says Dilbert Had A Vacuuming Accident - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excuses, lying, tardiness, traffic, vacuum, freak accident, vacuuming naked, bad traffic

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Carol: Dilbert called to say he'd be late for your meeting. He said something about having a freak accident while vacuuming naked. Dilbert: Did you tell him traffic was bad? Carol: More or less.

Dilbert Meets The Mom

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Dilbert Meets The Mom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, low standards, meeting people, parents, mother, efficiency, ebola, shake hands, Family, relationships

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Woman: Mom, this my date, Dilbert. He only wears tube clothes. Dilbert: For the efficiency. Whoa! Before I touch that paw, have you been to any Ebola hot spots lately? Woman: He has a job. Dilbert: My time has come!

Single Dilbert Is Valuable

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Single Dilbert Is Valuable - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags competition, dating, low standards, Men, market value, single guy, low bar, tall, employed, height, relationships

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Dilbert: I'm starting to realize that my market value as a single guy is higher than I thought. Men such as you have set the bar so low that all I need to do is have a job and be taller than most women in heels. I thought they were turned on by my tube clothing, but they actually like me for me. Wally: You're welcome.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alienation, deception, strategy, toxic, toxic relationship, work ethic, useless, ambitous, meetings, incomplete information, anxious, hateful

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Wally: I'm already useless, but I'm thinking about becoming toxic as well. Dilbert: That seems ambitious for you. Wally: Think it through. As a useless person, I still get invited to meetings because I don't cause much trouble. But if I go full-toxic, no one will invite me to meetings in the first place. I can avoid a lot of work by nipping it in the bud. Dilbert: Is it hard to be toxic? How do you do it? Wally: It's easy. All you do is provide incomplete information that makes people anxious and hateful. I can't tell you what was said in that last meeting, but I defended you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deception, dishonest, dishonesty, honest, honesty, lying, reverse psychology, trick, trickery, noteworthy, hide evil, verbal assault, easiest lie, set up

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Boss: To be perfectly honest... Dilbert: Wait! Why do you need to say you're being honest in this particular case? You're implying that you've lied to me so often in the past that this one instance of honesty is noteworthy. That is tantamount to admitting you have no respect for me as a human being. And you don't even have the decency to hide your evil in a competent fashion! Do you think I'm such an idiot that I wouldn't notice your verbal assault on my intelligence? Okay, let's hear the one honest thing you have ever told me. Go. Boss: This is going to be the easiest lie I've ever told.

Ceo Returns From The Afterlife

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Ceo Returns From The Afterlife - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags afterlife, angel, ceos, demon, evil, executives, good, good vs. evil, returning from the dead

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CEO: I returned from the afterlife and I'm taking back my job as CEO. Dilbert: So... you're an angel? CEO: I set all of the thermostats to 140 degrees. Let's see how long it takes you to answer your own question.

Dilbert Forms Snap Judgement

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Dilbert Forms Snap Judgement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags judgment, judging, first impression, meeting people

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Tim: Hi, I'm Tim. Dilbert: That's enough. I formed a snap judgement. Studies say we form snap judgments about people.And I already did, so no need for details. Tim: I'm just looking for my phone. Dilbert: Yup, I already judged you to be flakey.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags social media, facebook, twitter, pinterest, instagram, obliviousness, technology, communication

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Boss: Do you have a minute to answer a quick question about social media? Dilbert: I don't have time... Boss: Real quick. One question. Dilbert: Okay, but make it fast, please. I'm late for my meeting. Boss: Okay, the question is this... Can I Instagram a tweet right to Facebook... or does liking something I also favorited automatically pin it to my followers? Dilbert: I'm going to say yes and go to my meeting. Boss: I probably should have asked some follow-ups.