Work Call Comic Strips - Page 96
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Dilbert sits on his couch and Dogbert perches on the backrest. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Our new dress policy at work allows casual clothes on Fridays." Dogbert responds, "That's good, because studies have shown that Fridays are the ONLY safe day to dress casually; any other day would cause a stock plunge." Dilbert asks, "Is it just me or is that policy stupid?" Dogbert says, "That's not an 'or' question."
Dilbert sits at his desk. Ratbert stands on the desk. Dilbert says, "We're planning to hire a temp at work. You should apply for the job, Ratbert." Ratbert replies, "Wow! Me? A temp?!" Ratbert continues, "As a temp I would finally get all of the respect and unconditional love that I deserve!!" Dilbert thinks, "Danger: sharp learning curve ahead." Ratbert says, "I assume I'll get an office and a secretary."
The Boss, Wally, Alice and Dilbert sit around a conference table. The Boss says, "I'm reorganizing the department into fast-moving teams." Wally responds, "Good plan. We'll never realize we're powerless, micro-managed serfs after we call ourselves a 'team.'" The Boss thinks, "I need some less experienced people." Wally says, "I feel faster already." Alice adds, "The G-forces are killing me".
Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I significantly increased by visibility at work today, Dogbert." Dilbert continues, "Yesterday I was invisible to my management. But today I am known by all." Dogbert comments, "You screwed up, huh?" Dilbert responds, "Ooh yeah. Big time."
The Boss says to Tina who is seated at her computer, "Tina, you'll have to have all the documentation written by next week so we can ship it when the software is done." Tina says angrily, "How can I write instructions for something that doesn't exist yet?" The Boss answers, "You'll have to make logical guesses." Tina types on her computer, "If you press any key your computer will lock up. If you call our tech support we'll blame 'Microsoft.'"
Dilbert hands his timesheet to a secretary and says, "Here's my timesheet, filled out in increments of fifteen minutes." Dilbert says, "As usual, I coded the useless hours spent in meetings as 'work,' whereas the time I spent in the shower designing circuits in my mind as 'non-work.'" Dilbert continues, "Interestingly, even the time I spend complaining about my lack of productivity is considered 'work.'" The secretary thinks, "I hate my life."
Dogbert says to Alice, "I've been hired by your company to perform an ISO 9000 audit." Looking at his laptop PC, Dogbert says, "Basically, you give me money and I tell you that you're a bunch of dolts. It's the perfect job for me." Dogbert continues, "Tell me what you do here, Alice, if that's your real name." Alice replies, "I'm an engineer. I make slides that people can't read. Sometimes I eat donuts."
Catbert and the Boss stand on either side of a hole in the floor. Catbert says, "As Director of Human Resources I have developed a policy for handling the employees who complain." Catbert continues, "It's a big hole. I'll trick the whiners into getting in it. And then I'll cover them with sand." The Boss says, "I don't see how this could possibly work." Catbert says, "There's a detailed explanation at the bottom of the hole."
Dilbert hums as he stacks binders outside the door of his cubicle. Wally says, "It looks like somebody is using binders to illegally increase the size of his cubicle." Wally says angrily, "You think your status will increase with your cubicle size, don't you! Well, it won't work!" The Boss walks over, hands Dilbert a check and says, "Here's a raise. I don't know why." A woman whispers to Wally, "Pssst. Is he seeing anybody?" Wally growls, "RRRR."
Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a table eating lunch. Wally asks, "Alice, did you hear that Dilbert's network connection isn't working?" Alice says, "Uh-oh." Wally continues, "He is what we call a technology 'have not.' His competitiveness in the global economy will last as long as this french fry." Alice says, "So sad." As Wally gulps the french fry, Alice says to Dilbert, "After lunch, I'm going to use something called 'electronic mail.' You can watch if you promise not to touch anything." Dilbert looks angry.