Crazy Good Comic Strips - Page 97
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Wally: I've got a bad case of something the experts call "sitting disease." Studies show that people who sit all day for their jobs have 40% greater chance of dying in the next three years. Company policy says safety is more important than productivity, right? Boss: Um... sort of. Wally: So instead of sitting at my desk working, I plan to walk around and drink coffee. For safety reasons. Boss: GO sit at your desk or you're fired. There's a good chance this problem will resolve itself within three years.
Wally: I'm planning to take advantage of our new unlimited vacation policy. I'll be gone for two hundred days in the coming year. And I guarantee I will still double my productivity compared to the prior year. Boss: There's no way to measure productivity for engineers. Wally: Good to know.
Dilbert: Do you know who keeps raking my good cables and replacing them with defective ones? Alice: Certainly not me. But I did see an Elbonian wearing a hoodie near your bench. Dilbert: I'm not good at reading people. Alice: I'm counting on that.
Dogbert: I'll sell you the rights to use Linux for one million dollars. After the first month, you only need to pay for every upgrade. Boss: It sounds too good to be true. Dogbert: It's not as if I'm giving it away for free.
Agent: The government would like to use your browser history as a firewall against Elbonian hackers. One look at what you're up to will make them blind and crazy. I know because it worked on me. Elbonian: That's probably a fluke. You try. A Week Later in Elbonia
Carol: You take everything wrong. Alice: What's that supposed to mean? Carol: For example, suppose I say you're photogenic. Alice: Are you saying I don't look good when you see me in person? Carol: There it was. Alice: There was what? Carol: It's the think you do to turn everything into a negative. Alice: Oh, so now I'm a monster. Is that what you're saying? Carol: Yes. Alice: Good. That's the vibe I'm going for. Carol: I'm just saying you're totally nailing it. Alice: Watch this! Grrrr!
Behold my greatness! I was na engineer at google before I evolved to pure energy! Behold my path that will suck the energy out of you like a monkey on an orange. Good bot, Right in the cup.
Alice: I brought you some muffins so I won't need to watch my weight. If I fatten up the people around me, I'll look good even if I gain a few pounds. Dilbert: Won't that make you look mean? Alice: In phase two, I'll also make you angrier than me.
CEO: Hello, underling. Watch me do a self-deprecating joke to underscore my true power. Ho ho! I am not good at some types of unimportant tasks! Ha ha! That's why I'm glad I have people like you to do those things. Dilbert: Impressive.