New Employee Comic Strips - Page 97

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View 961 - 970 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags pronouned hay-soos, fixed eye sight, hair regrow, 40 shares, punch pilot light, ceo, team organizer

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Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffee maker, meeting, not enough money, raise, too much, budget, business

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The boss: I'd like to give you a raise but I used the entire budget on a new coffee maker. It's a nice one.There's talk that I paid too much for you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags coffe maker, aggressive, machine, contraption, big, metal, fierce, ridiculous

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Wally: You must be the new coffee machine. Thoop! It's aggressive, but I like that in my coffee makers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags strategic alternatives, company for sale, new corporate overlords, employment vandalism

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The Boss says, "The company has decided to explore strategic alternatives." Dilbert says, "Is that another way to say the company is for sale and we'll all be fired by our new corporate overlords?" The Boss says, "What answer will spark the least employee vandalism?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags creature, employee, licks face, meeting, strategic alliance, tongue, business

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The Boss says, "We could only find one company in the galaxy willing to form a strategic alliance with us." The Boss says, "Admiral B'Tang-B'tang is here to describe how we can help each other." foop! The Boss says, "Stop saying 'foop', Ted."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new guy, project team, foul stench, stink of failure, follows man

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Man says, "You must be Dilbert. I'm the new guy on your project team." Dilbert says, "What's that foul stench?" Man says, "It's the stink of failure. It follows me around from project to project." Dilbert says, "How do I get if off?!!" Man says, "You can dilute it by shaking hands."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags file emailed, viewer application, upgrade, operating system, new one, corrupted files

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"Wally, I can't open that file you e-mailed." "Sounds like you need to upgrade your viewer application." "Which means you'll probably have to upgrade your operating system." "You'd better add some ram while you're at it." "But it probably makes no sense to upgrade your old computer. This is a good time to get a new one." "How do I get a new computer?" "It's easy. I'll send you a file that explains it." "Are you sending corrupted files to people again?" "Only if I think they deserve it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags churn butter, needs, next budget cycle, not in budget, broken computer

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Dilbert says, "My computer is broken. I need a new one." The Boss says, "We don't have the budget." The Boss says, "Do things that don't require a computer until the next budget cycle." Dilbert says, "Like churning my own butter?" The Boss says, "You make it sound creepy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags eliminate bonuses, savings used, fun loving executives, wear festive costumes, sound of no money, ceo's yacht, whale oil, bring harpoon, happy about underpay

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The Boss says, "Our CEO decided to eliminated employee bonuses." The Boss says, "The savings will be used to produce an in-house movie to inspire you." Dilbert says, "Inspire us to do what?" The Boss says, "For starters, we'd like you to be happy about being underpaid." The Boss says, "Our fun-loving executives will wear festive costumes and sing about the virtues of poverty." The Boss says, "The movie is called 'The Sounds of No Money.'" The Boss says, "The premiere is on our CEO's yacht. He wants all of you to be there." Asok says, "We're invited to his yacht?" The Boss says, "The yacht runs on whale oil, so bring a harpoon."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new job, miserable and helpless, Women, attracted to men, salary ranges, trophy wives, carnival skanks

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Dilbert's moral compass is damaged. Dilbert says, "My new job is to make employees feel miserable and helpless." Dilbert says, "Here's a chart that shows the sort of women that are attracted to men at various salary ranges." Dilbert says, "Trophy wives are at the top, obviously, and down in your range we have the carnival skanks."