Report Says Comic Strips - Page 97

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View 961 - 970 results for report says comic strips. Discover the best "Report Says" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 28, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #cosmic, #joy, #possessions, #give, #everything, #away, #works, #munk

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A man sitting on a mat says to Dilbert, "To reach cosmic joy you must give away all of your possessions." Dilbert asks, "What if I give everything away but still do not achieve cosmic joy?" The ascetic replies, "Then the cosmic joy is on you." Dilbert says, "I'm starting to see how this works."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #report, #work, #porto-shredder, #necktie, #the boss

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Dilbert hands the Boss a report and says, "Here's my report. It's some of my best work." The Boss puts the report through a portable shredder that is hanging around his neck. Dilbert says, "I hate that porto-shredder." The Boss asks, "Say, is that a silk necktie?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #respects, #wrong, #drop, #ambiguity

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Dogbert and Ratbert sit on a hassock. Ratbert says, "Dogbert, sometimes I think you're the only one who respects me." Dogbert replies, "Wrong." Ratbert thinks, "Maybe I should drop it while there's still some ambiguity."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #clerk, #deliberately, #eat, #plates, #technically, #waste, #lawyer, #services, #department

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Dilbert and Dogbert walk out of a restaurant. The sign in the window says, "All you can eat $7.00." A man yells, "Hey! Stop!" The waiter says, "You owe us another $14." The waiter continues, "You deliberately put more than you could eat on your plates." The man continues, "Technically, our agreement is 'all you can eat,' not 'all you can waste.'" The man thinks, "Mom wanted me to be a lawyer, but I said, 'No, food services is where I'm needed.'" Dilbert says, "I believe this is your department, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Technically, it's all you CAN eat, not all you DO eat." The man thinks, "Ooh . . . He's good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #fresh, #shipment, #office, #supplies, #desk, #stealing

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A man looks in a cabinet marked "Office Supplies." The man thinks, "Wow! A fresh shipment!" Dilbert watches as the man stuffs supplies in his shirt. The man thinks, "Mine! All mine!" Dilbert says to the man, "While you were up, someone took your desk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 05, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #newspaper, #employee, #bureaucracy, #fifties, #paid, #forgotten, #perfect, #job

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Dilbert says to a man sitting at a desk behind piles of paper, "Hi . . . Are you new here? I've never seen you before." The man says, "I'm the lost employee . . . I've been hiding in the bureaucracy since the fifties . . . Paid but forgotten." Dilbert thinks, "Wouldn't THAT be the perfect job . . ."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 06, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #big, #ed, #hulking, #backwards, #waving, #arms, #people, #refer, #debris

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Wally says to Dilbert, "Look out! Big Ed is hulking backwards waving his arms again!" Big Ed bumps into Wally and Dilbert and they spill their coffee on themselves. Wally and Dilbert lie on the floor with their legs in the air. Dilbert says, "Big people can be so annoying." Wally replies, "I just wish he wouldn't refer to us as debris."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 1992's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #forward, #Dilbert, #ventured, #gain, #competitors, #weaknesses, #death, #cliches

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The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally and Alice, "Sometimes you have to move forward just to stay where you are." The Boss continues, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you're not part of the solution you're part of the problem." The Boss asks, "How can we use our strengths against our competitors' weaknesses?" Dilbert replies, "We could bore them to death with your cliches."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #bob, #dinosaur, #meaningless, #existence, #ironically, #ruined, #life

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Ratbert says to Bob the Dinosaur, "Bob, sometimes I wonder if there's a place in this world for a sensitive rat like me." Ratbert continues, "I can't live the hollow, meaningless shell of existence that others so ironically call 'life.'" Ratbert concludes, "I want to make a difference to people." Bob says, "Well, you ruined MY day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 10, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #spaghetti, #cooked, #answer, #question, #chef, #wall, #stick, #strand, #hat, #wearing

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Dilbert stands at the stove wearing an apron and looking into a pot. Dilbert asks Dogbert, "How can I tell when spaghetti is cooked?" Dogbert replies, "I'll have to wear the hat to answer that question." Dogbert walks back into the room wearing a chef's hat. Dogbert answers, "The spaghetti is done when you can throw it at the wall and make it stick." Dilbert thinks, "Seems odd . . . But he was wearing the hat." Dogbert hears, "Whap! Splash!" Dogbert says, "Preferably, one strand at a time."