Guarantee Future Business Comic Strips - Page 97

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Guarantee Future Business

View 961 - 970 results for guarantee future business comic strips. Discover the best "Guarantee Future Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to help us evolve our products to cloud computing." Dogbert says, "Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud." The Boss says, "It's as if your'e a technologist and a philosopher all in one!" Dogbert says, "blah blah platform."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #laziness, #managers & supervisors, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "There were eleven ways to interpret the vague assignment you gave me by voicemail." Wally says, "Given the risks of choosing wrong, and my engineering oath to do no harm, it was my ehtical duty to do nothing." The Boss says, "You could have asked for clarification." Wally says, "Sounds risky."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competitor from future, #terminate company, #issue, #time travle, #robot building skills, #zombies

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "A competitor from the future is sending robots back in time to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "So far it's not much of an issue because their time travel technology is way ahead of their robot-building skills." Wally says, "Is that as fun as it looks?" Alice says, "Totally. They're like zombies, but crunchier."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #avoid ansering, #emails, #unhelpful moron, #poorly designed robot, #terminate ecompnay, #robot

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice says, "I've noticed that whenever I ask you a specific question by email, you avoid answering it." Alice says, "You're either an unhelpful moron or a poorly designed robot sent from the future to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "How did you know it was a robot?" Alice says, "I didn't."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work, #happy, #prince of insufficient light, #devil, #giant spoon, #meeting, #photoshop, #upset, #sweat, #grab tie, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light Phil says, "You stand accused of being happy at work."<RB>Phil says, "Your penalty is to attend a meeting so horrible that none may speak its name." Photoshop your co-worker's photo onto the torso below. Dilbert says, "No... Please... anything but this."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #old coworker, #whisper, #secret, #knowledge, #die, #evil smile, #grin, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss says, "Old Johannsen has kept his job all of these years because no one else has his critical knowledge." Johannsen says, "Pss pss pss pss psss"B<R>The Boss says, "There's the worst-case scenario right there."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #buy, #product, #quote, #angry, #die, #yell, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Can you give me a quote by next week?" Coworker says, "Your demeanor tells me that you will never guy our product. You only want the quote as a point reference." Dilbert says, "Or maybe I'm giving you false hope because it's less awkward to end the meeting that way." Coworker says, "Die! Die! Die!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #pep talk, #ceo, #angry, #silent, #worry, #front, #motivation, #dumb, #hate, #bosses, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The CEO pep talk CEO says, "I want to know I can count on every one of you!" CEO says, "What's wrong with these people?" Dilbert says, "Well? I fired that guy this morning. His last day is tomorrow." Boss says, "That one retires at the end of the month." The Boss says, "Those three are contractors. I didn't renew their contracts." The Boss says, "The rest of them believe that motivation is how the powerful steal from the dumb." CEO says, "Tell them I hate their guts." The Boss says, "I did that in the pre-meeting."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #director of purchasing, #dinosaur, #new system, #annoyed, #revenge, #oil, #gas, #extinct, #suv, #ancestors, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Bob is the director of purchasing. He's here to describe our new procurement proces." Bob says, "Our system divides products into two categories: Things you don't want, and things you're not allowed to buy." Bob says, "It's my way of saying thanks for lubing your SUV with my dead ancestors."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #boss, #angry, #annoyed, #motivate, #fail, #read face, #wave hand, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "Once again, you have failed to motivate me." Wally says, "You said we shouldn't be motivated by money, so I'm waiting for the new thing to kick in." Wally says, "I'm not good at reading faces, but I think there's something happening over in this region."