Guarantee Future Business Comic Strips - Page 97
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The Boss says, "I hired a consultant to help us evolve our products to cloud computing." Dogbert says, "Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud. Blah blah cloud." The Boss says, "It's as if your'e a technologist and a philosopher all in one!" Dogbert says, "blah blah platform."
Wally says, "There were eleven ways to interpret the vague assignment you gave me by voicemail." Wally says, "Given the risks of choosing wrong, and my engineering oath to do no harm, it was my ehtical duty to do nothing." The Boss says, "You could have asked for clarification." Wally says, "Sounds risky."
Dilbert says, "A competitor from the future is sending robots back in time to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "So far it's not much of an issue because their time travel technology is way ahead of their robot-building skills." Wally says, "Is that as fun as it looks?" Alice says, "Totally. They're like zombies, but crunchier."
Alice says, "I've noticed that whenever I ask you a specific question by email, you avoid answering it." Alice says, "You're either an unhelpful moron or a poorly designed robot sent from the future to terminate our company." Dilbert says, "How did you know it was a robot?" Alice says, "I didn't."
Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light Phil says, "You stand accused of being happy at work."<RB>Phil says, "Your penalty is to attend a meeting so horrible that none may speak its name." Photoshop your co-worker's photo onto the torso below. Dilbert says, "No... Please... anything but this."
Boss says, "Old Johannsen has kept his job all of these years because no one else has his critical knowledge." Johannsen says, "Pss pss pss pss psss"B<R>The Boss says, "There's the worst-case scenario right there."
Dilbert says, "Can you give me a quote by next week?" Coworker says, "Your demeanor tells me that you will never guy our product. You only want the quote as a point reference." Dilbert says, "Or maybe I'm giving you false hope because it's less awkward to end the meeting that way." Coworker says, "Die! Die! Die!"
The CEO pep talk CEO says, "I want to know I can count on every one of you!" CEO says, "What's wrong with these people?" Dilbert says, "Well? I fired that guy this morning. His last day is tomorrow." Boss says, "That one retires at the end of the month." The Boss says, "Those three are contractors. I didn't renew their contracts." The Boss says, "The rest of them believe that motivation is how the powerful steal from the dumb." CEO says, "Tell them I hate their guts." The Boss says, "I did that in the pre-meeting."
The Boss says, "Bob is the director of purchasing. He's here to describe our new procurement proces." Bob says, "Our system divides products into two categories: Things you don't want, and things you're not allowed to buy." Bob says, "It's my way of saying thanks for lubing your SUV with my dead ancestors."
Wally says, "Once again, you have failed to motivate me." Wally says, "You said we shouldn't be motivated by money, so I'm waiting for the new thing to kick in." Wally says, "I'm not good at reading faces, but I think there's something happening over in this region."