Single People Comic Strips - Page 97

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Single People

View 961 - 970 results for single people comic strips. Discover the best "Single People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career choices, #Dogbert, #helpless people, #insignificant insects, #occupational preference, #remove vital organs, #serial killer, #career counselor

View Transcript

Transcript

A man sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert reads from a document and says, "According to your occupational preference test, you like to remove vital organs from helpless people." Dogbert continues, "That narrows the career choices to doctor or serial killer. Do you get along with other people?" The man replies, "Other people are insignificant insects." Dogbert responds, "We'll have to go to a tie-breaker question."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career advice, #career counselor, #seek advice, #sounds lazy, #unhelpful, #work hard, #insecure people, #self relaint

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on the bed watching Dilbert tie his tie. Dogbert says, "I'm going to try my paw at being a career counselor." Dogbert continues, "Insecure people will seek my advice and I'll tell them to be more self-reliant." Dilbert says, "That sounds lazy and unhelpful." Dogbert asks, "Would you want career advice from somebody who has to work hard?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #square pattern, #move cubicle, #random pattern symetry, #waste of time, #5 people, #downsized, #formed pentagon

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss tells Dilbert, "I need to move you one cubicle down." Dilbert asks, "Why?" The Boss replies, "That way my people will still be in a square pattern." The Boss explains, "You're in a random pattern now. The symmetry is bad." Dilbert says, "You want me to waste two days of work to move . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have no phone and no network connection for a week . . ." Dilbert continues, "I'll have to order new business cards and update my cubicle address on dozens of records." Dilbert continues, "And you still won't have a SQUARE because there are FIVE of us." A man stands in the door of Dilbert's cubicle holding a box. He tells Dilbert, "I got downsized. Apparently somebody complained that I formed a pentagon." Dilbert replies, "That can happen."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ken from sales, #nobody buys, #current prodcut, #new version, #entire product line, #biggest comepetitor, #brisk sales, #commissions galore, #justice, #idiots punished

View Transcript

Transcript

A man says to Dilbert, "Yo, Dil-man!" Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's Ken from sales." Ken says, "I told our biggest customers how great our next product will be. Now nobody will buy our current product." Ken asks, "When will the new version be available?" Dilbert replies, "In a year or two." Ken looks shocked. Ken says, "Hmm . . . I seem to have single-handedly destroyed an entire product line." Ken continues, "Luckily our biggest competitor is hiring sales people. And I'm betting THEY'LL have brisk sales this year! Commissions galore!" Dilbert thinks, "If there's justice in this world, the idiots will be punished . . ." Dilbert thinks, ". . . Before they get promoted." The Boss tells Dilbert, "Um . . . We need the new version by Tuesday."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #valuable experince, #rodent, #vice president of marketing, #simple marketing plan, #good press

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. Ratbert says, "I had years of valuable experience as a rodent before I became vice president of marketing." Ratbert continues, "My marketing plan is simple. Each of you will cling to the leg of a technology columnist until we get some good press." Dilbert approaches a technology columnist and says, "It looks like you're full." The man has people clinging to both legs. He responds, "You can cling to the cat until a space opens."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #corporate vice presdient, #win bet, #action plan, #spend money, #vice president, #annoying rodent

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says to Ratbert, "Remember everything I taught you, Ratbert. If you can pass yourself off as a corporate vice president, I'll win my bet." Ratbert stands on a desk and says to Wally as he walks by, "Yo, Headcount! If you have any issues, put together an action plan. Our people are the best. Don't spend money." Wally asks Alice, "Do you think he's really a vice president?" Alice answers, "Maybe. But I'm not ready to rule out 'annoying rodent' yet." In the background Ratbert says, "Quality."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product idea, #quit, #start business, #run new company, #cucbilces, #immoral, #people already in hell

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to Wally, "If this company won't use our product idea let's quit and start our own business!" Wally responds, "Why quit? We can run our new company from our cubicles and get paid too." Dilbert asks, "Wouldn't that be immoral?" Wally says, "That's only an issue for people who aren't already in hell."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project time line, #work portion, #meet with people, #competitive bids, #predictable behavior, #randomly reorganize, #department, #cut funding, #final phase, #death, #bitter and broken, #leaving building, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Dilbert works on a laptop connected to an overhead projector. Dilbert says, "Here's my project time line." Dilbert points to a diagram and says, "The 'work' portion will take one week." Dilbert continues, "I'll spend three weeks meeting with people whom you send to me because you don't feel like talking to them yourself." Dilbert continues, "I'll spend eight weeks getting competitive bids from companies that I know I won't select." Dilbert continues, ". . . Six weeks to get the wisdom and approval of executives who are too busy to understand the issues." Dilbert says, "During that time you will randomly reorganize the department and cut my funding." Dilbert points to a picture of a man jumping out of a building window. Dilbert continues, "In the final phase I leap to my death, a bitter and broken shell of a man." The Boss asks, "Is there some sort of manager thing I should be doing now?" Dilbert replies, "If I time my leap right you'll just be leaving the building."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #such cubicle enviroment, #regular emplyees, #enjoy, #sharing cubicle, #co ops, #new co op, #lasted a day, #fit in

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss walks down the hall with a new employee. The Boss says, "As a co-op employee, you can't expect the same lush cubicle environment that the regular employees enjoy." The Boss brings the man to a cubicle filled with people lying on top of each other. The Boss says, "You'll be sharing this cubicle with our other co-ops." Dilbert says to Alice, "I heard that the new co-op only lasted one day." Alice quips, "He didn't fit in."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hype, #most excellent, #pry myself away, #warming device, #windows 95, #tormenting people

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert sits on a monitor and thinks, "I know I should be off tormenting people . . ." Catbert continues thinking, "But I can't pry myself away from this most excellent butt-warming device." Catbert lies face down on the monitor and thinks, "It's probably because of the hype, but I'm thinking this would be even better with 'Windows 95.'"