Anything You Want Comic Strips - Page 97

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Anything You Want

View 961 - 970 results for anything you want comic strips. Discover the best "Anything You Want" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #weight, #dieting, #willpower, #denial, #circular logic, #eating, #health, #happiness, #weight loss, #obesity, #psychology, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I invented a device that can help people lose weight. Boss: I wouldn't need that because I have willpower. Dilbert: Then why are you overweight? Boss: This is temporary. Dilbert: You've looked exactly the same for years. Boss: I can lose this weight any time I want. Dilbert: So... are you saying you choose to be less healthy than you could be? Boss: I'm saying I'd rather be happy than healthy. Dilbert: Are you happy? Boss: No, because I'm hungry. Dilbert: And eating will make you happy? Boss: Well, I usually eat until I'm sick.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #leadership, #praise, #admiration, #anger, #compliments

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: What do you want now? Dilbert: Experts say leaders should surround themselves with people they admire and be generous with praise. Alice, I admire your hard work and intellect. Alice: Stop it! This is creepy! Dilbert: I admire your focus and your determination. Alice: Gaaa!!! Stop admiring me! My skin is crawling! Dilbert: I admire your honesty! Alice: Blech! Wally: Do you feel more like a leader now? Dilbert: Yes, in the sense that people hate me.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deciding, #lunch, #choosing, #technology, #options, #yelp, #frustration

View Transcript

Transcript

How To Eat Lunch. Dilbert: Lunch? Alice: Sure. Where do you want to go? Dilbert: Well, let's see... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: You're slow. Let me check! Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: No... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... no... Dilbert: No... no... no... no... no... no... Alice: How about this... No, bad review. Dilbert: How about this... No, they have no tables. [45 Minutes Later] Alice: Show me food! Dilbert: Food! Food! Food! Boss: Time to make some billion-dollar decisions. Dilbert: I'm going feral!

Wally Won't Oversupply Wisdom

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Won't Oversupply Wisdom - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #economist, #Promotion, #jargon, #babble, #deception, #smart people, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Our CEO wants to promote you to Chief Economist because nothing you say makes sense. He thinks that's the sign of a great economist. Wally: It totally is. Boss: Say something smart. Wally: Whoa! I don't want to create an oversupply of wisdom.

Dick Comments On Alice's Blog

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dick Comments On Alice's Blog - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blog, #comment, #dick, #internet, #troll, #personified, #worked up, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Hi, I'm Dick, from the Internet. Do you have anything for me to mock? Alice: I'm leaving a comment on a blog. Man: Okay, got it. Alice: Can you take it out of context? Man: Shhh! I'm trying to get worked up over nothing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reasoning, #excuse, #leadership, #Promotion, #promote

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't promote you because you didn't have an impact on anything important. Dilbert: How can I have an impact on important things when you put me on unimportant projects? Boss: That sounds like an excuse. Dilbert: What's the difference between an excuse and a great reason? Boss: It depends who says it. Leaders have great reasons when things don't work out, but losers just have excuses. Dilbert: So... you can turn my excuses into great reasons by promoting me? Boss: No, because I can't promote you. Dilbert: That sounds like an excuse.

Alice Disposes Of Excess Robot Inventory

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice Disposes Of Excess Robot Inventory - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #destruction, #anger, #therapy, #catharsis, #robot, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to get rid of that 3-D printed robot that looks and acts like me. Dilbert: No problem. Alice takes care of all the excess robot inventory. Alice: I don't always have passion for my work, but today is looking good.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #wifi, #wi-fi, #internet, #coffee shop, #public, #privacy, #security, #technology, #cyber security, #password, #identity, #identity theft, #passwords

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Yay, you have wi-fi! Now I can drink overpriced coffee while strangers steal my passwords. The timing is sort of a coincidence. Because I was just wondering what would be the fastest way to lose everything I own. And this fixes one of my other big problems too... I always want to share my browser history with strangers, and now I can! By the way, I'm Dilbert. Elbonian: I was Gropnorb, but now I go by Fred. Dilbert: Did a guy named Fred use your wi-fi? Elbonian: Right after he under-tipped.

Maybe We Should Make A Smartwatch

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Maybe We Should Make A Smartwatch - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #innovation, #copy, #practicality, #practical, #pragmatic, #watch, #competition

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Maybe we should make a smart watch. Dilbert: Maybe it is far too late. Boss: Maybe we could make a better one than Apple. Dilbert: Maybe we should get in a sword fight and not have a sword. Boss: Am I missing anything by not listening to what you say? Dilbert: No, it's mostly for my own entertainment.