Asks For Anything Comic Strips - Page 97

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Asks For Anything

View 961 - 970 results for asks for anything comic strips. Discover the best "Asks For Anything" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #artificial urgency, #gibberish, #god news, #mission, #objectives uncler, #insane but happy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Wally says, "Our objectives are unclear and our mission statement is gibberish . . ." Wally continues, "But thanks to an artificial sense of urgency, I'm working harder than ever!" The Boss asks, "What's the good news you said you have?" Wally answers, "Apparently I'm insane. But I'm one of the happy kinds!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #100% complete, #50% done, #action item, #estimate

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. Wally says, "The status of my action item is 50% done." Wally continues, "Specifically, I finished the item part but not the action." The Boss asks, "Do you have an estimate for when the action will be done?" Wally answers, "Yes, and that estimate is 100% complete!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert day care, #progressive, #duct tape, #fortune

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a chair across from the Boss's desk. The Boss asks, "What exactly is the Dogbert Day Care concept?" Dogbert answers, "Progressive companies can provide day care without spending a bundle." The Boss reads Dogbert's plan and asks, "Wouldn't we spend a fortune on duct tape?" Dogbert replies, "It's reusable unless it gets slobbered on."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gather requirements, #designing child care, #sewing garments, #windowless room, #illegal aliens, #discounts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert and Alice sit at a table. Dogbert says, "Alice, I need to gather some requirements before designing the company child care facility." Dogbert continues, "Do you mind if your children spend the day sewing garments in a windowless room full of illegal aliens?" Alice replies, "I mind." Dogbert responds, "I'll put you down as a maybe." Alice asks, "Would I get discounts on those garments?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #friendship, #quality assurance, #find flaws, #object intense, #hatred, #ridicule, #fix flaws, #respect, #special bond, #relationships

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Ratbert, my company is hiring for our quality assurance group. You'd be perfect." Ratbert asks, "What would I have to do?" Dilbert replies, "You would find flaws in our new product, thus making yourself an object of intense hatred and ridicule." Ratbert says, "But then you'd fix those flaws . . . And your respect for me would grow into a special bond of friendship, right?!" Dilbert replies, "No, then we ship."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality assurance, #heres resume, #words spelled wrong, #not even bothered, #hired, #base salry

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert stands on the Boss's desk and says, "I'd be perfect for the job in quality assurance. Here's my resume." The Boss looks at the resume and asks, "Are you bothered by the fact that half of your words are spelled wrong?" Ratbert replies, "Nope! I'm not even bothered by your anal-retentive behavior." The Boss says, "You're hired. Your bonus will equal negative 100% of your base salary, okay?" Ratbert says, "I don't see any problem with that."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality assurance, #beta prodcut, #few bugs, #lethal boneheaded, #vesing, #lethal, #vexing, #bonehead, #rent, #stadium

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally sits at his desk. Ratbert enters holding a printout and says, "My quality assurance review of your beta product turned up a few bugs, Wally." Ratbert continues, "I've classified the bugs by severity: 1) lethal, 2) boneheaded, 3) vexing." Wally looks at the printout and asks, "All I see are lethal and vexing. Where's boneheaded?" Ratbert replies, "I'm trying to rent a stadium to hold the printout."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angels dance in head, #fault, #huge number, #jeopardizing, #prototype, #quality assurance, #schedule, #tree falls forest

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Ratbert, "In the short time you've worked in quality assurance, you've found a huge number of flaws in our prototype." Ratbert replies, "That's my job!" The Boss continues, "You're jeopardizing our schedule. The entire project will fail and it's all YOUR fault." Ratbert asks, "Why is it MY fault?" The Boss replies, "If a tree falls in the forest . . . And we've already sold the tree . . . Does it have quality?" Ratbert asks, "How many angels can dance on your head?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #supreme ruler, #earth, #go outside, #runa round, #mouth open, #fresh air, #exercise, #hate flies, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert walk on the grass. Dogbert says, "Someday when I become the supreme ruler of earth . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert sit on a park bench. Dogbert continues, "I'll order everybody to go outside once a day and run around with their mouths open." Dilbert asks, "Because you support fresh air and exercise?" Dogbert replies, "Because I hate flies."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer up, #management support, #meeting, #boss ego, #master at work, #promised customer, #full management support, #sales meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need your full management support in this meeting with sales." The Boss replies, "Just watch the master at work." A man says to the Boss, "I promised a customer a product that we don't make. You need to engineer-up a thousand units by early next week." The Boss asks, "Is Thursday okay?" As they walk away, the Boss says to Dilbert, "Wait until he finds out that Thursday isn't 'early next week.' Hee hee!"