Boss Unfazed Comic Strips - Page 97

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #constant reorgnizing, #needs of employees, #spare parts, #liver, #jose in accounting

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Dilbert: "These constant reorganizations do not take into consideration the needs of the employees." The Boss: "I've decided to use you for spare parts. Your liver will be sent to Jose in accounting, immediately." Dilbert: "Jose has a bad liver?" The boss: "No, but why take a chance?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bad news, #break gradually, #budget worked on, #build up, #effort, #reorganizing dept., #worthless, #you're fired

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The Boss: Susan, Im reorganizing the department again. The budget you worked on for months its now worthless. Susan: I think when you have bad news you should make an effort to break it gradually, maybe build yup to it. The Boss: Oh, that reminds me: You're fired.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #commercially viable, #hard drive, #installed software, #tail, #zimbu, #monkey, #animals

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The Boss: Well, well, It looks like Zumbu has designed another commercially viable product using only his tail. Dilbert: I could have done that....If I hadn't erased my hard drive when I installed my security software. I don't produce much, but its very secure. Monkey: Heres another one.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #use tail, #operate mouse, #engineers, #no tail, #rocky, #new programmer

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Dilbert: Zimbu, you're not supposed to use your tail to operate the mouse. If tails were a natural advantage for engineers then evolution would provide usual with tails! The Boss: Dilbert, I don't believe you've met Rocky, out new C programmer.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #corporate politics, #waste basket, #teach everything, #promoted level

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Dilbert: I want you to teach me everything you know about corporate politics so I can get promoted to your level. The Boss: To truly understand office politics you must wear a waste basket on your head for one full day. LATER Dilbert: Does this really work? The Boss: It works for me.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project dew drop, #test report, #explodes, #beta trial, #friendly customers, #killed, #friendly ones, #project ducky

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The Boss: I agreed to ship Project 'Dewdrop' to some customers for beta testing. Dilbert: Didn't you read my test report? Dewdrop explodes when you plug it in. The Boss: we'll limit the beta trial to friendly customers. Dilbert: we killed all the friendly ones with project ducky.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no raises, #appliances, #television, #fridge, #lava lamp, #jar of mayonnaise, #dog, #boss, #dilberet, #animals, #Entertainment

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"This year, instead of raises we're giving appliances." "What?!" "High performers could get a color television or a new 'fridge." "He called it a 'lava lamp'." "I call it a jar of old mayonnaise."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #top priority, #last month, #dated

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The Boss: Take care of this immediately. It's your top priority. Dilbert: Top Priority?? This is dated last month, Its been on your desk for weeks and now its your top priority?? The Boss: I said its your top priority. I still don't care about it, Dilbert: well...okay the,

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss made pass, #cat ate ring, #family in coma, #irs audit, #seek relief, #woes, #anti woe cologne

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Alice: I'm going to seek relief from my many woes by sharing them with you. My entire family is in a coma....The cat ate my wedding ring,,,,The IRS is auditing us....my boss made a pass at me. It isn't working, you aren't absorbing my woes. Dilbert: Im wearing into woe cologne.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #huge time saver, #final consulting, #company, #deadweight, #employees.fired, #company directory, #business

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Ratbert: Here's my final consulting report on your company. Ive listed all the deadweight employees who should be fired. The Boss: This is the company directory. Ratbert: Finding that was a huge time saver.