Can't Do Job Comic Strips - Page 97

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978 Results for Can't Do Job

View 961 - 970 results for can't do job comic strips. Discover the best "Can't Do Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Centralizing The Decentralized

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Centralizing The Decentralized - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #business, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #value

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Boss: I need to randomly change something so it seems as if being a manager is a real job. Maybe I should centralize all the functions I decentralized last year. Catbert: Or you could find a way to add value. Boss: I'm not magic.

Dilbert Characters

Hypothetical Observer

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Hypothetical Observer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #employees, #insults, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #sarcasm, #idiot

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Dilbert: Thank you for explaining to me how to do my job, for which I am highly trained and you are not. An observer might be tempted to say only an idiot would do such a thing. Boss: Is that an insult? Dilbert: Hey, don't blame me for what a hypothetical observer says.

Wally Has Skills

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Wally Has Skills - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #performance, #review, #robot, #design, #skills

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boss: wally, your performance is substandard. wally: give me a great performance review, or else i'll design a robot that will take your job. boss: you could do that? wally: i have the skills. i just don't like to use them.

Project Update

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Project Update - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #project, #update, #plan, #read, #imaginary

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boss: did you send me your project update? dilbert: were you planning to read it? boss: no dilbert: then i totally sent it too you boss thinking: half of my job is imaginary

Reporting To Two Managers

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Reporting To Two Managers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #reporting, #vp of sales, #project, #business, #hate

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boss: dilbert, you'll be reporting to the vp of sales for the new project. you will also be reporting to me as usual. dilbert: congratulations on making me hate my job more than ever. boss: and you said it couldn't be done.

Saying You Are Dumb

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Saying You Are Dumb - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #job, #change, #technology, #dumb, #imply, #product

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dogbert's tech support ted: i can't figure out how to use your product. what should i do? dogbert: i recommend changing jobs to something less challenging. ted: are you saying i'm dumb? dogbert's once from phone: no. no. no. i'm only implying it.

Thwarting Alice's Career

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Thwarting Alice's Career - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #mentor, #deny, #Promotion, #compete, #thwart, #career, #business

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alice: can you mentor me? boss: heck, no. you're only one promotion away from competing for my job. alice: well, maybe you could just stop thwarting my career? boss: no, same issue.

Poison Pill

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Poison Pill - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #co-worker, #cross-train, #business, #relationship, #training, #bad, #fire, #poison pill, #planner

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dilbert: i can't shake the feeling that you are intentionally doing a bad job training me how to do your job functions. ted: i'm omitting important steps, so you'll fail hard should i get fired and you are asked to fill in. it's called a "poison pill." dilbert: you're a good planner.

Who Is The Fool

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Who Is The Fool - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #install, #server, #upgrade, #fool, #lie, #technology

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vendor: we can't finish the installation unless you buy our server upgrade. dilbert: that means you lied when you bid for the job, because you did not include a server upgrade. vendor: who's the fool now? dilbert: that would be me.

Upgrade Schedule

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Upgrade Schedule - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #vendor, #network, #upgrade, #allocating, #technology

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vendor: we should be able to finish the network upgrade in about three months. dilbert: when you bid for the job. you said it would take thirty days. vendor: if we're allocating blame. i'm not the one who was dumb enough to believe me.