Taxpayers Give Money Comic Strips - Page 97

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View 961 - 970 results for taxpayers give money comic strips. Discover the best "Taxpayers Give Money" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 27, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #wages, #big data, #top perfromers, #higher pay, #average performance, #average people say, #money

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Catbert: Our big data analysis tells us that only the top performers leave for higher pay. Since you're still here, it means your performance is average at best. Dilbert: That's not fair! Catbert: That's what all the average people say.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 26, 2014's comic on:


Tags #public speaking, #stress, #10 thousand attendees, #don't be stressed, #nervous, #fall apart, #speech, #large audience

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Boss: Ted, I want you to give a speech to ten thousand conference attendees. You'll be great. Don't get stressed. I said "don't."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 12, 2014's comic on:


Tags #competition (psychology), #mobile (cell) phones, #money, #tiny screen, #enormous phone, #expensive, #paid mortgage, #phone with tiny screen

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Topper: I see you have a phone with a tiny screen. That must be embarrassing compared to my enormous phone. Dilbert: Is it expensive? Topper: It paid off my mortgage by mining Bitcoins. Topper

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #conversation, #plantkiller, #data, #kill plants, #office plants

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Alice: Hey, plantkiller, do you have the ata I asked for? Coworker: Plantkiller? Who calls me that? Alice: Everyone does. Your stories are so boring that you kill all office plants within earshot. Give me a hand signal when you're done. Coworker: This reminds me of the time I took the stairs.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2014's comic on:


Tags #avarice, #deception, #money, #online marketplace, #dumb criminals, #bitcoins, #ka ching ka ching

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Dogbert: I started an online marketplace for dumb criminals. As soon as I get enought users, I'll steal all of their bitcoins. Bushahahaha! Dilbert: Is this morally defensible? Dogbert: Here's my argument: Ka-ching! Ka-ching!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 04, 2014's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #thinking, #product ideas, #billion dollar ideas, #unwilling, #corporation, #dumb person idea, #pretend, #drone that attacks, #wooden screen phone

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Boss: Does anyone have any billion-dollar product ideas? Dilbert: There's a logical problem with that question. If I had a billion-dollar idea, I would quit this job and start my own company. Only a dumb person would give you his best idea for free. And the best idea from a dumb person is still dumb. But I am willing to give you some ideas that are too lame for my own use. Boss: Can you at least pretend to suggest good ideas? Dilbert: Sure. How about a phone with a wooden screen? Wally: How about a drone that attacks anyone who looks at it?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2014's comic on:


Tags #big business, #money, #obliviousness, #travel budget, #business travel, #long term profitability, #budget frozen

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Boss: The travel budget is frozen so we can meet our income estimates for this quarter. Dilbert: Is that because all business travel is a waste of time or because we no longer care about long-term profitability? Take as long as you need. Boss: Um...

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Share May 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #mathematics, #work ethic, #work time, #donate, #1% work time, #charitable cause, #110% to job, #learn math, #asking employess, #business

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Boss: Our CEO has asked each of us to donate 1% of our work time to a charitable cause. Dilbert: Last week you told us to give 110% to our work. Does this mean we can back off to 109%? Boss: No, you should give 110% to everything you do. Dilbert: Maybe my charitable cause could be helping you learn math.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #interviews, #job interview, #spare time, #questions, #visit orphanges, #back rubs, #babies, #practiced question

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JOB INTERVIEW Boss: So... what do you like to do in your spare time? Interviewee: Um... I visit orphanages and give back rubs to babies. Boss: Maybe you should have practiced for that question. Interviewee: And I bike there because I'm so green.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2014's comic on:


Tags #money, #rich people, #being rich, #income inequality, #happy, #networth, #thousand times, #800 times, #net worth

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Dogbert: I like a lot of things about being rich, but I like the income inequality the best. It makes me happy to know that my net worth is about a thousand times more than yours. Dilbert: It's actually closer to 800 times my net worth. Dogbert: You ruined it!!!