Time Management Comic Strips - Page 98
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Share September 13, 1998's comic on:
The Boss stands in casual clothes and says, "It's time for my annual inspirational talk." The Boss says, "We must work twice as hard, or the competition will crush us!" Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in front of the Boss as he continues, "I want you to feel afraid twenty-four hours a day." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: wouldn't hat lower the quality of our lives?" Wally says, "Seems like it might." Wally continues, "I'm too afraid to work here now. I wonder if our competitor's are hiring?" Alice raises her hand and asks, "Question: should we continue to be afraid of our own management's incompetence?" The Boss replies, "Let's compromise. I'll agree to cut the meeting short if you'll all agree to feel worse in some way." The Boss leaves the meeting and thinks, "No I remember why I only inspire them once a year."
Share September 12, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert sits at a desk with a screwdriver and several other tools and computer pieces in front of him. Dogbert watches. Dilbert says, "I built a ring with a timy computer in it." Dilbert waves his hand around. Dilbert says, "It only displays one character at a time." Dogbert says, "Then what good is it?" Dilbert hold the ring up to his face. Dilbert says, "No time for chit-chat. I'm surfin' the net!" Dogbert says, "Don't make me come over there."
Share August 30, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert approaches Carol and says, "I need to document your procedures. It's an ISO 9000 requirement." Dilbert starts writing as he asks, "So...the engineers submit their time cards and then you do what?" Carol points to her desk and says, "I put them in a pile until I'm sure that they're all here." Carol points under her desk and continues, "Then I move them to the magic cylinder." Dibert asks, "The trash can?" Carol answers, "No, it's a magic cylinder. I put my work in there and by morning it's gone." Dilbert says, "I've been giving you my time card for five years." Carol responds, "No one has complained yet." Dilbert walks away thinking, "After today, I am NOT rounding to the nearest fifteen minutes."
Share August 22, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert hands a piece of paper to Carol. Dilbert says, "Here's my time sheet, in exquisite detail." Carol wads the time sheet up. Carol says, "It's easier to input the numbers if I make them up as I go."
Share August 02, 1998's comic on:
Caption reads: "Performance Review." The Boss says, "Let's see how many of your objectives you met." Dilbert asks, "What objectives?" The Boss looks at a piece of pape and says, "Didn't you know you had objectives?" Dilbert replies, "I don't see how I would have had time to work on objectives." Dilbert continues, "My schedule was packed." The Boss asks, "Doing what?" Dilbert replies, "Every morning you leave things on my chair with a sign that says, 'Urgent: Handle this.'" The Boss replies, "No I don't." Dilbert walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can I see a sample of your handwriting?" Wally thinks, "Uh-oh."
Share July 26, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert says to the Boss, "I need some management fire power." Dilbert begins explaining to the Boss, "The VP of marketing says we can't use the vendor we selected." The Boss fumbles in his pocket and says, "Let me write this down." Dilbert asks, "Do you want some paper?" The Boss replies, "No, I'll just use this tissue...oops." Dilbert continues, "Anyway, the other vendor can't deliver." The Boss continues to make a bess of the tissue. He says, "Oops." Dilbert stops and says, "I have some note paper." The Boss continues, making a mess, saying, "No, this is fine. Oops." Dilbert says, "All you have is a blotch on a scrap." The Boss replies, "It's more of a reminder than a detailed note." The Boss sits at his desk with several little scraps of paper spread out before him. He thinks, "Hmmm...It's not so useful when I put it with the others."
Share July 25, 1998's comic on:
The Boss is naked in a prison tube on an alien spacecraft. Two aliens outside the tube. One says, "Tell us your management secrets, earthling." The Boss responds, "You have too many full-time aliens flying this UFO. Downsize half of them, then roll out the ISO 9001 process." Back in the office, Dilbert and Alice listen as The Boss, who is supported by crutches and has a perplexed look on his face, finishes his story. "...But despite all of my help, they still plowed into a snow-covered alp."
Share July 18, 1998's comic on:
While The Boss sits in his chair, Myron gripes while holding a memo, "My name is Myron, not Moron!" As he walks away, Myron continues, "Next time that you run spell check, don't automatically take its suggestions." The Boss thinks, "What's 'spell check'?"
Share May 08, 1998's comic on:
Dilbert and Dogbert sitting on a couch. Dilbert is eating chips. Dogbert says, "I donated a billion dollars to the United Nations today." Dilbert replies, "That's nice of you." Dogbert says, "My only condition is that they name something after me." At the United Nations, three UN representatives sit at a table. The French diplomat exclaims, "For the millionth time: Yes, I'm sure we want to keep calling it France!"
Share April 26, 1998's comic on:
Alice sits next to The Boss and a mandattan place.. The Boss points out, "Our special guest is Tod, from our researced paper." Tod says, "We recently did a study to access the value of our previous research." Tod hands out papers and says, "Sadly, all of our past work was either ignoed or totally misintrepreted by idiots.." Tod says, ".. such as yoursleves." Tod says, "So from now on, rather that do research we''ll just lie. Tod says, "Play along and and we'll make sure the 'industry salaries' study goes your way." Tod says, "Well, it's two o'clock, and that's quitting time in the research department." Wally tells Dilbert, "" You're not my role mdoel anymore!"