Falling Out Of Trees Comic Strips - Page 98

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #magic button, #cost estimates, #push, #phrase, #swear

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Dilbert says, "This is a magic button." Dilbert says, "Any time you ask for cost estimates, I push the button and it guides me." Button says, "Pull the numbers out of your?" Dilbert says, "It only says the one thing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #volunteer, #project, #not enough resources, #flunky, #scared, #sucky, #laugh, #smile, #puppet boy, #dance, #happy

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Alice says, "Guess what, Ted? I volunteered to run a critical project while knowing I don't have enough resources." Alice says, "When it becomes a crisis, I will delcare martial law and order you to become my flunky." Alice says, "In your face, puppet boy!" Ted says, "This day is turning out to be a little extra sucky."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #open door policy, #office, #look over shoulder, #suspicious, #core systems, #key processes, #pointless question, #act randomly

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Wally says, "What's more important- our core systems or our key processes?" Wally says, "If there's no clear answer to that question, I'll continue to act randomly." The Boss says, "Get out of my office." Wally says, "The open door policy probably looked good on paper."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality metric, #bid proposals, #magic powers, #sarcastic, #silly, #joke, #serious, #hand paper, #muggles, #harry potter, #men in black

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The Boss says, "Your quality metric for next year is to win 30% more bid proposals." Dilbert says, "No problem. I'll use my magic powers to control how much our competitors bid." The Boss says, "I worry that you're not taking this seriously." Dilbert says, "If the muggles find out, I'll wipe their memories."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unholy alliance, #plan, #meeting room, #love, #cheese, #happy, #relationships

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Wally says, "I propose an unholy alliance." Carol says, "You have my attention." Wally says, "Reserve every meeting room under my name for the year. That way you won't need to do any scheduling, and I won't need to attend any meetings." Wally says, "Don't panic; that strange feeling is you falling in love with me." Carol says, "It feels like I'm eating cheese!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #presentation, #sales division, #freak out, #dehydrate, #water, #sweat, #public speaking, #scared, #dry, #skeleton

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The Boss says, "Alice, I need you to give a presentation to the entire sales division." Alice says, "GAAA!!! The very thought of public speaking dehydrates me!" The Boss thinks, "Maybe I should find someone moister."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #public speaking class, #meeting, #habits, #personalities, #robots, #Fun, #sarcastic, #business

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The Boss says, "I'm sending all of you to a public speaking class." The Boss says, "They will rid you of your nervous habits? and, with any luck, your personalities too. You will become indistinguishable from robots." Alice says, "Is that as fun as it sounds?" Asok says, "Get out of my head!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lab coat, #invention, #scan, #brain, #predict, #buy, #kill, #suspicious, #microwave, #smoke out of ears, #rays

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Dilbert says, "My invention can scan a person's brain and predict his buying decisions." Dilbert says, "It says you plan to buy? a blunt object so you can kill me and claim credit for my invention." Dilbert says, "I anticipated that, which is why I included a feature to microwave the offending part of your brain." FERT!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lecture, #office, #philosophy, #point, #unknown, #go home early

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Dilbert says, "There's no objective standard for measuring how much I should accomplish in any given day." Dilbert says, "Nor can we really know if things would have turned out better had I don't things differently." The Boss says, "Do you have a point?" Dilbert says, "I'm going home early. See if you can tell the difference."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #scientist, #music player, #throw coffee cup, #kung fu, #knock out, #steal idea, #science

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Man says, "I invented a music device that reads your brain waves and only plays songs that fit your mood." The Boss says, "Kung Fu coffee cup!" BONK! The Boss says, "Hey, look what I invented!"