Jar With Light Bulb Comic Strips - Page 98
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Share May 10, 1996's comic on:
A man sits across from Dogbert's desk. Dogbert reads from a document and says, "According to your occupational preference test, you like to remove vital organs from helpless people." Dogbert continues, "That narrows the career choices to doctor or serial killer. Do you get along with other people?" The man replies, "Other people are insignificant insects." Dogbert responds, "We'll have to go to a tie-breaker question."
Share May 11, 1996's comic on:
Tina the Tech Writer sits at a table with Dogbert. Tina says, "I'm a lowly technical writer now, but my goal is to become a famous novelist." Tina continues, "My plan is to write witty and scathing e-mail messages about co-workers until a publisher gives me an advance." Dogbert says, "They might expect you to write a book at some point." Tina yells, "Blood suckers!"
Share May 17, 1996's comic on:
The caption says, "'Due diligence' before the merger." Alice sits at a table with a man who says, "You must reveal your secrets so my company knows what it's buying." Alice points to some documents in a binder and says, "All of our projects are doomed. Most of the good employees left. Our customers are starting a class action suit . . ." The man says, "At least the building is worth something." Alice points to her throat and says, "If you feel a tickle, that's asbestos."
Share May 18, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert stands on Dilbert's desk and says, "With all this talk of 'diversity' there's no mention of the pain we smart creatures endure while surrounded by dolts." Dilbert says, "Good point. I don't know how we do it." Dogbert walks away saying, "It looks like I'll have to hold secret meetings." Dilbert says, "Yeah, our lives are a constant struggle."
Share May 27, 1996's comic on:
The Boss enters the office kitchen and reaches for the coffeepot. He thinks, "He slips in like a panther to take the last cup of coffee and not make more." A devil carrying a spoon appears and shouts, "I am Phil, the Prince of Insufficient Light! I darn you to heck!!!" The Boss looks surprised and says, "Phil?" Phil says to the Boss, "You were always mom's golden boy." The Boss looks in the refrigerator and says, "Somebody brought potato salad. Give me your spoon."
Share May 29, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert sits on a chair watching television. A voice from the tv says, "This is Phil, Ruler of Heck, with a special offer for my patented 'Exerspoon.'" In the commercial, Phil holds his spoon between his thighs and says, "You can do over seven million exercises with the 'Exerspoon.'" It even trims problem areas!" Phil continues, "And thanks to the innovative spoon shape, storage is a breeze!" The commercial shows a man and women in a bed, sleeping in the spoon position with the Exerspoon.
Share May 31, 1996's comic on:
A man enters Wally's cubicle, hands him a document and says, "Wally, I need your input on this by the end of the day." Wally points to a stack of paper and says, "Please drop your request here, in 'Wally's Pile of Perpetual Ignorance.'" The man asks, "Can't I just give it to you?" Wally replies, "I don't like to touch that stuff with my hands."
Share June 03, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert walks into the office building carrying a laptop computer in a case. A security guard with a huge head says to Dilbert, "Halt and submit to the mind scan of 'Brainitor, the Guardian of Security.'" Brainitor closes his eyes, puts his hands on his head and says, "The bag contains one computer . . . 'Pentium' processor . . . one gig hard drive . . . highly fragmented . . ." Brainitor continues, "Please wait while I optimize your hard disk . . ." Dilbert says, "This is vaguely unsettling."
Share June 05, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally walk down the hall together. Dilbert says, "Although we are nothing but pond scum in this company . . ." Dilbert continues as they walk into a conference room, "It's nice to know we can still find someone of lower status to torment." Dilbert and Wally sit at a table with a vendor. Dilbert says, "You call these brochures? How can I even consider buying products from a 'ven-duh' such as you?" Wally reaches for the salesperson's ear and says, "Tell me if this hurts."
Share June 06, 1996's comic on:
Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table with a vendor. Wally says, "You must do our bidding, Vendor. We control your economic future." Dilbert says, "Of course, our buying decision will be based solely on quantifiable performance measurements." Dilbert stands at the end of the table holding a hoop. The salesperson is on his hands and knees on the table. Dilbert says, "Your competitor completed the 'Vendor Challenge Course' in 37 seconds." Wally adds, "And he gave us VERY nice t-shirts."