New Job Title Comic Strips - Page 98
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1000 Results for New Job Title
View 971 - 980 results for new job title comic strips. Discover the best "New Job Title" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday May 12,
1992
Tags Dogbert, ad, man, turn, negatives, perceived, benefits, shmultz, beer, head, pounds, bikini, concept, lonely, Men
Transcript
Dogbert stands in front of two men and points to a diagram. Dogbert says, "We must turn the negatives of your project into perceived benefits." Dogbert continues, "The new slogan will be 'Shmultz Beer: you know it's working because your head pounds.'" Dogbert points to a picture of a man who is holding a beer and has a headache. A man asks, "Can you work some bikinis into this concept?" The other man says, "We're very lonely men."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday June 03,
1992
Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, video, techie, dweebs, technology, mirror, hell, sarcasm
Transcript
Dilbert sits at his desk staring at the video phone. Dogbert asks, "Did anybody call on your new video phone yet?" Dilbert replies, "No." Dogbert asks, "Don't you think that the only people who will buy video phones are male techie dweebs like you?" Dogbert continues, "Therefore, wouldn't it be cheaper to buy a mirror?" Dilbert thinks, "It's hell being an early adopter."
Tuesday June 09,
1992
Tags the boss, slogan, inspire, Dilbert, quality, extra, pay, alice
Transcript
The Boss says to Dilbert, Wally, Brenda another employee, "What the department needs is a slogan to inspire us." The Boss continues, "Our new slogan is 'We Are Quality.'" A woman says, "Suddenly I feel like working long hours for no extra pay." The Boss says, "It's working!"
Wednesday June 10,
1992
Tags Dilbert, brenda, brainwashed, quality, pads, note, face
Transcript
Dilbert: It looks like Brenda has been brainwashed by the new company slogan. It all started when we got these little sticky notes pads that say "quality" on them. Oops, sorry, I shouldn't put it right in your face. Man: Quality... Quality... Quality...
Monday June 15,
1992
Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, television, show, healing, dollars, send, money, trick, hair
Transcript
Dilbert asks Dogbert, "What did you do to your hair?" Dogbert's hair is styled in a pompadour. Dogbert replies, "It's for my new television show, 'Healing for Dollars.' People send more money if you have this kind of hair." A man and a woman sit on a couch watching Dogbert's tv show. The woman says, "It might be a trick." The man replies, "That's what I thought until I saw his hair." Dogbert says, "Checks or money order."
Thursday July 09,
1992
Tags Dilbert, strategic, diversification, fund, lawyers, money, bags, Dogs, bury
Transcript
Dilbert and the financial advisor sit at the table. The advisor says as Dilbert reads a brochure, "That's our new 'Strategic Diversification Fund.'" The man continues, "Our lawyers put your money in little bags, then we have trained dogs bury them around town." Dilbert asks, "Do they bury the bags or the lawyers?" The advisor replies, "We've tried it both ways."
Tuesday July 14,
1992
Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, rich people, wealth, tragedy, lightning, flash, clear day, meteor
Transcript
Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. Dilbert says, "I can't help thinking that my new wealth will lead to tragedy." Dilbert continues, "It seems like rich people always have horrible tragedies." Dogbert asks, "Like what?" There is a flash of lightning. Dilbert's clothes have been burned and his body is charred. Dilbert replies, ". . . Like being struck by lightning on a clear day." Dogbert points to the sky and shouts, "Incoming meteor!!"
Monday July 20,
1992
Tags Dogbert, ridiculous, Dilbert, supercomputer, create, model, predict, life, brain, chemistry, patterns, cause and effect, free will, mad, implies
Transcript
Dilbert sits at a desk and works on his supercomputer. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I'm using my new supercomputer to create a model that can predict your entire life." Dilbert continues, "You see, everything, including your brain chemistry, is subject to predictable patterns of cause and effect . . ." Dogbert replies, "That's ridiculous. It implies that we have no free will." Dilbert looks at the monitor and says, "Next, you start getting really mad at me."
Tuesday July 28,
1992
Tags exercise, happiness, Dogbert, bob, newsletter, clueless, professional, wrestling, home, device, looks, brains, healthy, read
Transcript
Dogbert hands Bob the Dinosaur a publication and says, "Bob, here's a copy of my new newsletter for clueless people." Bob reads, "Dogbert's Clues for the Clueless: 1. Professional wrestling is all faked. 2. Nobody ever lost weight on a home exercise device." Bob looks upset as he continues to read, "3. Looks are more important to happiness than brains. 4. If people don't comment on you new hairdo, they hate it." Dogbert says, "It's not healthy to read them all at once, Bob."
Thursday September 17,
1992
Tags Dogbert, leader, vegetarian, movement, warning, cow, egg, industry, retrsopect, floor, command, elevator
Transcript
An overweight man enters Dogbert's office and says as he pants and wheezes, "Are you Dogbert, the new leader of the vegetarian movement?" Dogbert replies, "Yes." The man continues to pant as he says, "I have a warning from the cow and egg industry . . . You must ERK!" The man lies on the ground with his feet in the air. Dogbert says, "In retrospect, it was pretty clever of us to rent a third floor command center with no elevator."