Im Not A Loser Comic Strips - Page 98

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Im Not A Loser

View 971 - 980 results for im not a loser comic strips. Discover the best "Im Not A Loser" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #not policy, #fire morons, #expensive, #make your job unpleasent, #so you quit, #porject, #bitten by coyoytes, #vested

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss has his hand on Donald's shoulder. Donald shirt is untucked and his tie is askew. The boss says, "It's not my policy to fire morons, Donald. Firing is expensive." The boss says, "It's my policy to make your job so unpleasant that you quit." Dilbert says, "So, your project involves being bitten by coyotes?" Donald is covered by small coyotes. Donald says, "Only two more years and I'm vested."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #strip on nose, #oxygen to brain, #interesting conversationalist, #not optimistic, #anti snoring device

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit on the couch. Dogbert says, "Put this strip on your nose to get more oxygen to your brain." Dogbert hands Dilbert a strip. Dilbert puts the strip on his nose. Dogbert says, "I'm hoping it will make you a more interesting conversationalist." Dilbert says, "How 'bout that?" The strip is hanging off the end of Dilbert's nose. Dogbert says, "I'm no longer optimistic."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #must delight customoers, #stop price gauging, #stop selling defective products, #talking about customers, #delighting customers, #empathy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss sits at the head of the conference table. He says, "It's not enough to 'serve' our customers..." The Boss continues, "We must DELIGHT them!" Alice asks, "You mean we have to stop price-gouging?" The Boss replies, "No, I think we can still do that." Wally raises his hand and says, "Ooh! Ooh!I know!" Wally continues, "We could stop selling products with known defects." The Boss shouts, "I'm talking about products, not customers!!" Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and asks, "Do you feel like delighting customers?" Dilbert replies, "I barely have the empathy to pity them."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #elbonia, #class in cobol, #learn on plane, #scuba lessons

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. The Boss stands in the doorway of his cubicle. The boss says, "I'm sending you to Elbonia to teach a class in cobol." Dilbert says, "I don't know cobol." The boss says, "Maybe you can learn it on the plane." Dilbert glares at the Boss over the wall of his cubicle. The Boss walks away. Dilbert says, "Maybe I'll take some scuba lessons up there too." The Boss thinks, "I'm making my getaway."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #%#*!!*, #asoks ears, #curse at work, #ears fell off, #like to curse, #vulgarity, #warm up

View Transcript

Transcript

Ann sits in a meeting with Dilbert and Wally. Ann says, "I must warn you, I'm one of those women who like to curse at work." Ann turns to Asok and screams several obscenities. Asok's tie and hair fly back in a stiff wind. Ann says, "That was my warm up." Asok says, "My ears fell off!!" Asok looks at the conference table where an ear lays on other side of his paper.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #barger, #closed dorr, #curse, #intense enrgy, #new hire, #not a knocker, #pushes

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina charges down the hallway pushing people out of her way. Tina says, "Get out of my way, weaklings!" Tina stands in front of the boss' closed door. Tina screams, "This closed door can't stop me! I'll curse it off its #%@!! hinges!" Ann stands on top of the boss's door which has fallen into the Boss's office. There is a person flattened beneath it. The boss looks shocked. The Boss says, "You could have knocked." Ann says, "I'm a barger, not a knocker."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #non employee certification, #messenger, #secretary, #receptionist, #carol, #Dilbert, #process raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his computer. Carol hands him a piece of paper. Carol says, "You need to sign the non-employee certification form before I process your raise." Dilbert looks at the form. Dilbert says, "But this would be a lie. I'm not a non-employee." Carol says, "I'm only the messenger." Dilbert says, "Where did this come from?" Carol says, "The file cabinet."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #organization chart, #phone lists shreded, #picking clean, #headhunters, #steal away, #double pay, #drains initiative

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds up a piece of paper and says, "From now on, the organization chart will not be distributed." The Boss crumples up a piece of paper and says, "And the internal phone lists will be shredded." The Boss continues, "This will prevent headhunters from easily picking us clean." Wally asks, "Why would headhunters call US?" The Boss explains, "They want to steal you away and double your pay at another company." Wally says, "What makes you think we won't leave on our own anyway?" The Boss replies, "Because working here drains all your initiative." Wally turns to Dilbert and Alice and says, "Let's prove him wrong." Dilbert says, "Yeah! I'm NOT shredding my phone list!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #magnets, #big impact, #erased hard drive, #feeling healthy, #boss with magnets, #joints

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss walks up to Dilbert with magnets all over his body. The Boss says, "I'm feeling much healthier since I strapped all of these magnets to my body." Dilbert says, "That's fascinating. You should show them to Wally. It would have a big impact on him." The boss says, "Okay." From off-panel Wally screams, "You erased my #%!!* hard drive!!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teach morons, #high level jobs, #addicted to wagging, #ear clokwise, #tongue in

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on Dilbert's computer. Dogbert says, "I'm going to teach morons how o get high-level jobs." Dilbert says, "Why?" Dogbert says, "I'm addicted to wagging." Dogbert's tail wags. Dilbert says, "Carry on." Dogbert stands in front of three messy men with vacant eyes. They all have their tongues out. Dogbert says, "Now turn your ear clockwise to get your tongue back in."