Need To Cancel Comic Strips - Page 98

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Need To Cancel

View 971 - 980 results for need to cancel comic strips. Discover the best "Need To Cancel" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #10 million, #cloud start up, #social media, #venture capital, #location based, #flattering, #investment, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Venture Capital Dogbert: I need $100,000 for my location-based, social media, could start-up. Coworker: I'm not giving you $100,000 just because you spewed some buzz-words. Dogbert: The how about $10 million? Coworker: Wait... now it sounds like a good investment. How did you do that? Dogbert: I can tell you, but it won't be flattering.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #all worked up, #complain about attitude, #escalated, #low priority tasks, #emergency

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Stop whatever you're doing and go research the answer to this question. Brad: I don't have time to work on low-priority tasks. Alice: Give me ten minutes to transform it into an emergency. Brad is being unhelpful. I need you to talk to his boss. Boss: Sure. Brad refuses to help Alice. Brad's Boss: Help her do what? Boss: I don't know, but obviously it's very important because it got escalated. Brad's Boss: It must be an emergency because everyone is all worked up about it. Alice: Now hum a happy tune or I'll complain about your attitude.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #competitors, #gadgets, #motorcycle, #smartphone, #threat, #worlds greatest

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I've created the world's greatest smartphone. Boss: Wow. This is so amazing that I'll need to kill you so our competitors never learn how to imitate it. Dilbert: Or you could give me a huge bonus. Boss: Okay, sure. I'll have a guy on a motorcycle attach it to your car.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #database analyst, #tech writer, #database anaylst, #ignorance with certainty

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Tina, our database analyst quit, so I need you to take over that job. Tina: I'm curious... how long do you think it takes to train a tech writer to be a database analyst? Boss: Forty-five minutes. Tina: I like how you punctuate ignorance with certainty.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business meeting, #cup of water, #not impressed, #fill sink, #bring own cup, #not impressive, #optics

View Transcript

Transcript

Customer: I'd like to do business with your company, but I'm concerned that the only beverage you can afford to offer me is water from the restroom sink... and I need to bring my own cup. Dilbert: I also offered to fill the sink and let you lap it out. Customer: And now I'm thirsty!

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #banking, #international bank, #bail out, #treasury, #feral, #money, #countries

View Transcript

Transcript

Elbonian: Is this Dogbert's International Bank for Bailing Out Countries That Are Bad at Math? Dogbert: Yes. Elbonian: Our treasury is empty and we're not sure why. The entire country is becoming sort of feral. Dogbert: How much money do you need? Elbonian: No more than $85.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #absent mindedness, #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #entrpenuer, #bullying, #lying, #manipulation, #verbal abuse, #huge jerk, #biograophy, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: You need to act more like an entrepreneur. Entrepreneurs make decisions that will end in failure 90% of the time. They motivate people through bullying, lying, manipulation and verbal abuse. Entrepreneurs make their employees work so many hours that their personal lives and their bodies fall apart. Boss: I've been doing all that stuff for years. Dogbert: Has it worked? Boss: No. Dogbert: Well, in that case, you're not an entrepreneur. You're just a huge jerk. Boss: Is that why no one is writing my biography?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #computer software, #managers & supervisors, #budget, #work monitoring software, #calendar, #year 2040, #square boxes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I don't have a budget for the network monitoring software you need, so you'll have to write it yourself. Dilbert: Good plan. I'll check back with you when I'm done doing that. What's your calendar look like in the year 2040? Boss: Sort of a grid with square boxes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #complaining, #work ethic, #such back, #due dates, #lazy, #incompetent, #busy, #root cause

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I need to give you some push-back on these due dates. Dilbert: No problem. Should I tell the others you're lazy, or incompetent, or in over your head? Coworker: How about just "busy?" Dilbert: Okay. I will insist that people ignore the root cause.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #interviews, #career goals, #80 hours a week, #below - market, #compensation

View Transcript

Transcript

Job interview Interviewee: But enough about me. How can I help you achieve your career goals? Boss: You could work 80 hours a week for below-market compensation. Interviewee: I did not see that coming. Boss: Good. I need employees who can't see it coming. You're hired.