Next Meeting Comic Strips - Page 98

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View 971 - 980 results for next meeting comic strips. Discover the best "Next Meeting" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #performance, #review, #meeting, #suggestion, #insult, #ridicule, #angry, #business

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Performance Review The Boss says, "You need to get better at anticipating problems." Dilbert says, "If I could anticipate problems, I wouldn't have agreed to work for you." Dilbert says ,"You seem angry, I did not see that coming."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 30, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #question, #ridiculous, #serious, #confused, #annoyed, #vendor, #stupidity, #business

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The Boss says, "Is there any risk that the new software will erase our data?" Dilbert says, "Um?No." The boss says, "Did you ask the vendor that question?" Dilbert says, "Well, no, I?" The boss says, "Then you can't be sure, can you?" Dilbert says, "We outsource our payroll service. The payroll data isn't even on our servers." The boss says, "Isn't everything connected to everything else by the internet?" Dilbert says, "You want me to ask our vendor if his software will hunt down our payroll data from across the internet and try to kill it?" Dilbert says, "And you think he might say yes?" The boss says, "Better safe than sorry." Later that day Man says, "Yes, sometimes it does that. You're the first to ask." Dilbert thinks, "Shoot me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 31, 2009's comic on:


Tags #work, #orders, #miserable, #cruel, #mean, #trip, #ridiculous

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The Boss says, "I need you to attend a three-day industry standards meeting in Elbonia." Dilbert says, "Why Elbonia?" The boss says, "Because Elbonia is the worst place on Earth. The member companies don't want this to look like a boondoggle." Dilbert says, "I guess three days won't be so bad." The boss says, "You're not allowed to eat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #elbonia, #angry, #threatening, #kung fu, #frustration, #stuck, #business

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Industry Standards Meeting in Elbonia Dilbert says, "Let's adopt my company's specs as the industry standard." Man says, "Your specifications are weak, and so is your kung fu." From that day on, all standards meetings were held in the mud of Elbonia. Man says, "Can't...Kick! Stupid...mud!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #questions, #choices, #ridiculous, #harsh, #mean

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The Boss says, "How did the industry standards meeting go? The boss says, "Did you convince 83 companies to adopt standards that benefit only us while dooming the entire industry in the long run?" The boss says, "Or are you a complete failure?" Dilbert says, "Can I hear those choices again?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 06, 2009's comic on:


Tags #asking, #approval, #bureaucracy, #avoiding, #explaining, #disappearing

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Dilbert says, "Can you approve this change?" Woman says, "I'll have to run it by my corporate office." Woman says, "And we're in merger talks, so they'll need to clear it with our future owners." Woman says, "No one will know who should make the decision or what the right decision is." Dilbert says, "When do you think you'll have an answer?" Woman says, "Sometime between next week and whenever the earth is devoured by a gravitational singularity." Woman says, "Meanwhile I will avoid your calls and e-mails by becoming a vapor." Dilbert says, "You forgot the approval form."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #talking, #meeting, #idea, #changing, #greed, #dangerous, #mean, #cruel, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "We need to make our pricing plan more confusing." Dogbert says, "And change our packaging to that hard plastic that always cuts the consumes' hands." Dogbert says, "I've been in a bad mood since everyone started talking about capping my excessive pay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2009's comic on:


Tags #testing, #meeting, #bosses, #ceo, #pay, #explosion, #head, #greed, #business

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "I can't tell if my pay is excessive enough." Dogbert says, "So I created a lab to test the reaction of hobos to my different pay scenarios." Wally says, "It's your turn to find the next hobo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #conference, #meeting, #greed, #corruption, #illegal, #business

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CEO summit Dogbert says, "Obviously it's illegal for companies to rig bids." Dogbert says, "But interestingly, the crime is nearly impossible to prove when nothing is written down." Dogbert says, "I'd like you to meet Eddie. Pay close attention to how many times he stomps his hoof."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #ceo, #asking, #meeting, #group, #conference, #drinking, #collusion, #scared, #nervous, #corruption, #greed, #business

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CEO Summit Dogbert says, "Do you collude?" Man says, "Sometimes." Dogbert says, "Are you colluding with anyone now, because I'd sure like to collude with you." Dogbert says, "What are you into? Maybe a little price fixing?" Man says, "This is all happening so fast."