One Kiss Comic Strips - Page 98

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Hey, Dilbert, would you mind stopping by my house after work and seeing if you can fix my computer?" "Sure. And while I do that you can be at my house cleaning the grout in my shower." "That's crazy talk." "Hey, I'm not the one who majored in comparative literature."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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The Sales Call "I brought my egghead to talk to your egghead while you and I make out." "Our web services employ XML, Soap and WSDL to achieve interoperable HTTP modules." Mmm mmm mmm "Do you ever think we might be in the wrong jobs?" "I'm not going to kiss you." Mmm mmm

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Asok, you're my new fire warden for the floor." "If there's a fire, your job is to roll around on it until it's out." "What if the whole floor is on fire?" "No one will be timing you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2006's comic on:


Tags #business, #competition, #sales, #sales personnel

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The land of unrealistic business assumptions. Dilbert: We need to find some assumptions about future sales. Dang! There's only one way across and it's blocked by an inebriated hillbilly. Dogbert: In the land of unrealistic assumptions, this guy is your only competitor.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert's Seminar on Work-Life Balance "This is Allen. He didn't balance his work and personal lives." "Allen did nothing but work, work, work. And now look at him." "I'm the one who tried to balance everything. That's Allen. He's a @#!$% CEO now!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2006's comic on:


Tags #ethics course, #on line course, #perfect scores, #taking for boss

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What?! You only got a 'B' taking the online ethics course for me? "No one will believe you're me unless you get all perfect scores." "I...was...tired." "Why? You only did 300 push-ups for my online gym class!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 09, 2006's comic on:


Tags #written in stone, #actual stone, #stone tablet

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We're supposed to have our budget approved by Tuesday but that's not written in stone. "Yes it is. I have it right here." "It was kind of lucky because this is the only one I brought to the meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2006's comic on:


Tags #expressing opnion, #thousand expressions, #the wood chipper

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"Erk! That look says you want to kill me for expressing my opinion!" "No, no." "Women have a thousand expressions that say they want you to die. That one says she wants you to die of natural causes, preferably soon." Budda budda budda "She calls this one 'The Wood Chipper.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 19, 2006's comic on:


Tags #360 degree reviews, #peer input, #negative review, #peer review, #next raise, #annoymous, #realization

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"It's almost time for our 360 degree reviews." "That means your compensation is partly dependent on the input of your peers." "I'd hate to see something bad happen to you, like, I don't know...maybe a negative review." "I've taken the liberty of calculating the value of a good peer review in terms of your next raise." "Pay me half of that amount, and I'll guarantee a positive outcome." "How would I know you gave me a good one? Peer reviews are anonymous." "What is it about me that makes people so distrusting?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2006's comic on:


Tags #customer service, #deception, #laziness, #tech support, #trick, #passowrd, #before lunch, #required

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"Hello, I need some tech support." "What's your tech support password?" "I don't have one." "Well, then I can't help you." "Since when do you require a password?" "Usually right before lunch."