Out Of Work Comic Strips - Page 98
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The Boss says to Dilbert, "You've got to work eighteen hours a day to compete in this industry!" Dilbert cunningly says, "Let's just say we work eighteen hours a day. Maybe our competitors will die trying to match us." The Boss asks Dilbert, "Would that work?" Dilbert answers, "It almost worked for us."
An employee says to Ratbert the Concierge, "I need an alibi." The employee continues, "The police will try to beat the truth out of you, but don't let them break you!" The employee goes on, "I also need lye...and a barrel...better yet, make that two barrels."
Alice: LULU, you've stalled my project for long enough, I want your input. NOW!! Alice: I found out my jaw unhinges when Im mad> Asok: You frighten my hoagie.
Dogbert the consultant says to the Boss, "Here's a free sample of my work." The Boss says to Dobgert as he reads the booklet, "So company 'A' was managed by idiots with no web strategy." The Boss asks Dogbert, "What would you recommend for my company?" Dogert replies, "First, change its name to 'A'.
Dilbert says to Dogbert before leaving for work, "I'm tired of getting no respect at work." Dilbert continues, "I'm going to send my resume to a company that's locted in a place I'd never want to live." Dogbert says to Dilbert while reading the paper, "I wonder why they don't respect you." Dilbert answers angrily, "That's what I want to know!"
Dilbert works on his resume at work. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "There...my resume is done. I will no longer be a slave to my company." Dogbert, now irritated says to Dilbert, "Yeah! Now you're a potential slave for a company in an undesirable location!" Dilbert turns to look and Dogbert and asks, "Was that sarcasm or supportiveness?" Dogbert replies, "You only think there's a difference."
The I.S. employee says to Noriko, "Well, I upgraded three things and I accidentally broke three things." The I.S. employee continues, "In I.S. terms, I came out ahead." Noriko responds, "Does my computer work?" The I.S. employee replies, "No, but if it did, it would be much faster."
Catbert the Evil HR Director says to the staff, "Video cameras have been installed in all work areas." Catbert holds up a badge and says, "Employees must wear I.D. badges around their neck." Catbert continues, "Your internet and telephone usage will be monitored." Catbert continues, "Everyone will undergo mandatory drug testing." Catbert thinks to himself, "They're not resisting. They're ready for phase two." Catbert says, "Prepare to be permanently marked by hot ironos." The Boss asks Catbert, "Will that hurt?" Catbert answers, "I'll be fine. Thanks for asking." Everyone holds Wally down on the table as Catbert announces, "Wally is about to experience brand awareness."
Carol says to the Boss, "I work harder than you. Why do I get paid a fifth of what you make?" The Boss answers, "That's because there are many people like you but few people like me." Carol replies, "Maybe that's because the people like me eventually kill the people like you."