People Acknowledge Comic Strips - Page 98

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 2014's comic on:


Tags #studies, #healthy exercise, #healthier lifestyle, #poor health, #ruin meeting, #attend stupid meetings

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CEO: Studies show that people who exercise are healthier. Wally: That's because people who are in poor health don't exercise. CEO: Why does it seem as if you ruin every meeting? Wally: Is it because I only attend the ones that are stupid?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 11, 2014's comic on:


Tags #efficiency experts, #employee tracking, #wandering aorund, #meetings, #restroom trips, #employee monitoring, #wrist monitor, #low levels of caffeine, #typos up, #beat authority figure, #tablet computer, #danger signals, #workloads

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Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2014's comic on:


Tags #focus, #losing focus ability, #wasn't important, #digital distractions, #conversations

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Dilbert: Studies say people are losing their ability to focus because of all the digital distractions. Wally: Sorry, what? Dilbert: Hold on... Wally: What were you saying? Dilbert: I dunno. Probably wasn't important.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2014's comic on:


Tags #customer survey, #flying car, #idiots, #new software, #people who buy, #survey, #cafe, #coffee cup

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Dilbert: I have the results of our customer survey. The new software feature they want most is "Flying car" Boss: Did you survey any people who aren't idiots? Dilbert: No, I only surveyed people who buy from us.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 01, 2014's comic on:


Tags #choosing, #electronic mail, #successful habits, #eight things, #inspirational links, #emails, #change subject, #huge success

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Boss: Did you see my email about the eight things that successful people do? Dilbert: Yes. I did all eight things and now I'm a huge success. Boss: No you're not. Dilbert: I'm not? How's that possible? I did all of the things that successful people do. This only makes sense if the inspirational links you send me every day are a complete waste of time! So which one is it? Am I a huge success or do you email me worthless things? Boss: Maybe we should just change the subject. Dilbert: Is that what successful people do?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2014's comic on:


Tags #business people, #engineers, #skunks, #spray perfumr, #marketing, #engineer, #resist killing, #terrific job, #business, #engineering

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INTRODUCTIONS Coworker: My name is Alan, and my job in Marketing is to spray perfume on skunks. Dilbert: I'm Dilbert. My job as an engineer is to resist killing Alan. Coworker: You're doing a terrific job. Dilbert: Stop spraying me with perfume! Introductions

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 05, 2014's comic on:


Tags #inventions, #artificial intelligence, #software, #phb test, #hide, #html5, #talking, #engineering

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Dilbert: My artificial intelligence software passes the PHB test. That means I can hide it behind a curtain and people won't know if they're talking to a computer or a pointy-haired boss. Computer, what is HTML5? Computer: Beats me. Boss: I was going to say that!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 08, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #mental health, #work ethic, #bad attitude, #70 hr. wk.week, #hire insane, #whistle, #happy tune

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Boss: You have a bad attitude lately. Alice: You made me work 70 hours this week. If you want people who work for free and are happy about it, hire the insane. Boss: I tried that, but I got the wrong kind. Alice: I'll whistle a happy tune if you go away.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 14, 2014's comic on:


Tags #money, #rich people, #being rich, #income inequality, #happy, #networth, #thousand times, #800 times, #net worth

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Dogbert: I like a lot of things about being rich, but I like the income inequality the best. It makes me happy to know that my net worth is about a thousand times more than yours. Dilbert: It's actually closer to 800 times my net worth. Dogbert: You ruined it!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2014's comic on:


Tags #new idea, #dream, #3d glasses, #for real life, #people love 3d, #not movies, #obvious, #ideas

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CEO: Last night, an idea for a new product came to me in a dream. Dilbert: ICK CEO: 3-D Glasses. Dilbert: To watch movies? CEO: No, real life. Dilbert: So...The glasses would make life in general appear three-dimensional? CEO: Exactly! People Love 3-D Stuff. Dilbert: Im not going to respond to your idea. Im just going to sit here looking three-dimensional. CEO: wait....how are you doing that? Dilbert: Im wearing glasses that make me look 3-D