Retail Business Comic Strips - Page 98
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1000 Results for Retail Business
View 971 - 980 results for retail business comic strips. Discover the best "Retail Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday May 29,
2013
Tags managers & supervisors, mentors, drive steak through heart, business
Transcript
Boss: Asok, thanks to my mentoring, someday you will be just like me. Asok: Gaaa!!! Someone please drive a stake through my heart! Hurry! Boss: Apparently I don't know what mentoring is.
Friday May 31,
2013
Tags conversation, honesty, serial idiot, startup idea, business idea
Transcript
Dilbert: ...and that's my idea for a start-up. What do you think? Dogbert: I'm not a big fan of other people being successful, so I'll say the idea is terrible. Dilbert: Remind me why I talk to you. Dogbert: You're a serial entreprenidiot.
Sunday June 02,
2013
Tags engineer, good manager, leads by example, managers & supervisors, middle manager, monster truck rallies, suspicion, teaching, education, business, engineering
Transcript
Boss: A goo manager leads by example. How does it help an engineer to see an example of how to be a middle manager? Dilbert: That's like teaching physics by showing examples of monster truck rallies. Alice: Should we say dumb things, too, or have you not started leading by example yet? Wally: Now what is he doing/ Are we supposed to do that? Dilbert: I think he's leading by example now! Boss: I'm starting to wonder if everything I read on the Internet is wrong.
Wednesday June 05,
2013
Tags managers & supervisors, ephermal middel manager, look stupid, business
Transcript
Boss: Say hello to the ephemeral middle manager. But hurry because he won't last long. Dilbert: Hi, I'm... Boss: Now you just look stupid.
Tuesday June 11,
2013
Tags honesty, managers & supervisors, secret of success, plan b, two hairballs, business
Transcript
Boss: Asok, the secret to success is making your boss look good. Asok: What if my boss looks like two hairballs on an infected bladder? There's no way to make that look good. Boss: You're not off to a strong start. Asok: Please tell me there's a Plan B.
Wednesday June 12,
2013
Tags frustration, hypocrisy, managers & supervisors, shut out, meetings, unsolvable, business
Transcript
Boss: Asok, I can't promote you because the other managers don't know you. Asok: That's because you shut me out of meetings and take credit for my work. Boss: That sounds unsolvable.
Thursday June 13,
2013
Tags frustration, obliviousness, sales personnel, software, third party library, new version, windows, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: The software you sold us stopped working after a week. What's up with that? Salesman: We use a third-party library, and it isn't compatible with the new version of Windows. Dilbert: And...? Salesman: We appreciate your business?
Sunday June 16,
2013
Tags interviews, lying, job interview, exaggerate credntials, more effective, business skill, misleading, convince customers, prodcuts, dupe some idiot, learn tech skills, honesty, hr, send offer, liar
Transcript
Dilbert: You look good on paper, but how do I know you aren't lying about your skills? Interviewee: You should hope I am lying. Studies show that people who exaggerate their credentials tend to be more effective once hired. That's because misleading people is a valuable business skill. For example, I might need to convince our customers that our products are better than the competition. Or I might need to dupe some idiot into leaving my cubicle so I can concentrate. Anyone can learn technical skills, but lying is an art form. Dilbert: He doesn't have an honest bone in his body. Boss: Perfect. I'll tell Human Resources to send him an offer.
Wednesday June 19,
2013
Tags managers & supervisors, obliviousness, two ways to fail, miss deadlines, quality of work, active non listening, business
Transcript
Dilbert: You've given me so many projects that I have two ways to fail. I can either miss all of my deadlines or I can reduce the quality of my work to rubbish. Which do you prefer? Boss: The class I took in active non-listening is really paying off. I need this by Tuesday.
Thursday June 20,
2013
Tags deception, managers & supervisors, company policy, rate staff, no upper body strength, real reason, business
Transcript
Boss: Company policy says I have to rate one-third of my staff as "Does not meet expectations." I chose the two of you because you have no upper body strength. This way it's safer if you go berzerk. I thought you said I should tell them the reason I picked them. Catbert: Not the real reason.


