Service Business Comic Strips - Page 98
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 971 - 980 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday June 18,
2012
Tags country, etiquette & ethics, meeting, mens restroom, sacred, sacred shrine, travel, elbonia, business
Transcript
Boss: How was your meeting in Elbonia? Wally: Awesome! Did you know that the most sacred shrine in Elbonia looks exactly like a men's restroom? Boss: No. Wally: Right. So don't blame me for not knowing.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday June 27,
2012
Tags hope for survival, nearsighted billionaire, hunt, private island, foraging situation
Transcript
Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: Your only hope for survival is if a nearsighted billionaire offers to hunt you on his private island. Customer: Does that job pay well? Dogbert: It's more of a foraging situation. Customer: Must... adjust... expectations... down.
Thursday June 28,
2012
Tags fee, how the future works, portfolio, retirement planning, understanding future
Transcript
Dogbert's retirement planning service Dogbert: My fee is 10% of your portfolio per year. Employee: Sounds reasonable. Dogbert: None of my clients understand how the future works.
Monday July 09,
2012
Tags browser history, business ethics, engineer, engineering, padded resume, puppets, technically, rumor
Transcript
CEO: I'd like to address the rumor that I padded my resume. In the strictest sense of the word, I am not technically an "engineer" per se. But to put this in perspective, even The Pope hides his browser history. It's no big deal.
Monday July 30,
2012
Tags business failures/bankruptcies, stock market, innovative pordcuts, in pipeline, r&d budget, firings, sexy startup, work smarter, ironic, money
Transcript
Boss: Our stock is down 49% and we have no innovative products in the pipeline. CEO: Slash the R&D budget, fire 9,000 employees, and buy a sexy start-up company that we can run into the ground. Boss: We did all of that last year. CEO: Did I already tell the employees to work smarter? Boss: Yes. They thought you were being ironic.
Tuesday July 31,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, multitasking, ignorant bafoon, coffee, authority, business
Transcript
Carol: I can't finish everything today. Boss: Try multitasking. Carol: Multitasking? Is that like being an ignorant baboon and drinking coffee at the same time? Boss: I missed what you said because I was drinking coffee.
Thursday August 02,
2012
Tags big business, executives, profits down, increased compensation, incentive, feel underpaid
Transcript
CEO: Profits are way down, but don't worry your little heads about it. The board increased my annual compensation to $60 million. Now I finally have an incentive to do a good job! Un-oh. I'd better hurry because I'm already starting to feel underpaid again.
Friday August 03,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, work all night, inspiring employees, clearly defined roles, business
Transcript
Boss: We'll finish this project even if we have to work all night! Well, I just did my job of inspiring you, so I might as well go home. How do you like our clearly defined roles now?
Sunday August 05,
2012
Tags business ethics, work ethic, top engineers, competetors, firing, get rid of, updating resume, goes as planned, hideous disese, felt useuful, threatening employment
Transcript
Boss: Wally, I'm sending you to a conference for the world's top engineers. With any luck, one of our competitors will try to poach you. That will save me the trouble of firing you. You'll be going with five other people I want to get rid of. I took the liberty of updating your resume. If this goes as planned, you'll destroy one of our competitors from within. Like a hideous disease. Make me proud! Wally: It was the first time I ever felt useful. I didn't like it.
Monday August 06,
2012
Tags business meeting, cup of water, not impressed, fill sink, bring own cup, not impressive, optics
Transcript
Customer: I'd like to do business with your company, but I'm concerned that the only beverage you can afford to offer me is water from the restroom sink... and I need to bring my own cup. Dilbert: I also offered to fill the sink and let you lap it out. Customer: And now I'm thirsty!

