Smart Like You Comic Strips - Page 98

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View 971 - 980 results for smart like you comic strips. Discover the best "Smart Like You" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2003's comic on:


Tags #hostile work environment, #continuous pressure, #work, #work and drink, #forty cups, #cutting back

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Wally enters The Boss' office and says, "You're creating a hostile work environment." Wally continues, "It's like there's continuous pressure to work." Wally shakes and exclaims, "But I'm only one person; I can't work and drink coffee!" The Boss replies, "I'm cutting you back to forty cups a day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 29, 2003's comic on:


Tags #corporations, #ignore, #jumpy tactics, #laid off, #you might be next, #your imagination

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Dilbert is at home. He says to Dogbert, "I'm seeing signs that I might get laid off." Dogbert responds, "It's probably your imagination. Just ignore them." Catbert and The Boss are hanging an arrow-shaped sign that reads, "You might be next" on Dilbert's cubicle. Catbert says, "I have to admit that I like it when they're jumpy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2003's comic on:


Tags #embezzelment, #explain revenue, #layoffs, #sacrificing, #worse than you, #co worker

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Dogbert is standing on Dilbert's desk. Dogbert says, "You can survive the next round of layoffs by sacrificing a co- worker." Dogbert continues, "You must make your boss believe that someone is a worse employee than you." Dilbert is at a meeting. He turns to Ted and says, "Ted, let me explain revenue: it's like your embezzlement, but it's directed at customers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #exporting leprechaun meat, #cameras, #elbonians, #no excuse

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Headline: P.R. for Elbonia. Dogbert is standing on a table. He addresses two Elbonians, "The media give you a bad rap for exporting leprechaun meat." Dogbert continues, "Our ad campaign will feature a leprechaun explaining that they enjoy being eaten." Ratbert is dressed up like a leprechaun in front of cameras. He is standing in a frying pan and holding a meat tenderizer. He says, "Elbonians are our best friends. Now excuse me while I tenderize myself."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2003's comic on:


Tags #focus on execution, #excuse poepl, #look like accident, #two hours long, #meetings

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The Boss' boss shakes his finger at The Boss and says, "You've got to focus on execution!" The Boss is puzzled. The Boss says to Catbert, "I think he wants me to execute people." Catbert responds, "Make it look like an accident." The Boss announces at a meeting, "From now on, my staff meetings will be two hours long." Alice and Wally sob.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2003's comic on:


Tags #new product revenue, #future, #slashed bidget, #development budget, #describe future, #doomed

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The addresses a meeting, "The future of the company depends on new product revenue." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Question: Is that why you slashed the research and development budget?" The Boss replies, "If you're so smart, let's see you describe our future without using the word 'doomed.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #career counseling, #hear myself talk, #roll their eyes, #nod and smaile, #babble, #punish people, #management aptitude test

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Headline: Career Counseling. Dilbert sits across from a client. The client says, "I love to hear myself talk." The client continues, "But I don't like it when people roll their eyes and go 'phhht.'" The client continues, "I'd like a job where people are forced to nod and smile while I babble." The client adds, "And I'd like to punish people for my own mistakes." Dogbert says, "I recommend a career in management." Dogbert continues, "Just to be sure, I'm going to give you a management aptitude test." The client replies, "Hey, I have an idea. Maybe I should pursue a career in management!" Dogbert says, "Congratulations! You just passed the management aptitude test." The client exclaims, "Yes!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #clammy offcie, #all clammy, #hands are clammy, #underpants

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The Boss is in his office. He thinks, with a panicked expression on his face, "It's not just my desk; it's the chair, too!" The Boss stops Dilbert in the hallway and says, "Dilbert, come here!" The Boss leads Dilbert into his office and says, "Everything in my office feels clammy." The Boss continues, "I first noticed when I touched my phone.. then my mouse." The Boss says, "All clammy." He pauses and then asks, "What could it mean?" Dilbert responds, "It could mean your hands are clammy." Dilbert walks away whistling. The Boss calls after him, "You must never speak of this." At a meeting, Wally turns to The Boss and asks, "Have you ever noticed that everything you sit on feels like underpants?" Dilbert looks away guiltily.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2003's comic on:


Tags #international sales call, #dress, #one level above customer, #cherub, #lighting bolt, #vatican, #overdress

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches and says, "I need you to go on an international sales call." Dilbert asks, "How should I dress?" The Boss responds, "Salespeople should dress one level above the customer." Dilbert is dressed like God. He has a lightning bolt in one hand and a cherub staff in the other. He asks Dogbert, "What's better - the cherub or the lightning bolt?" Dogbert responds, "Take both. You can't overdress at the vatican."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2003's comic on:


Tags #grabbed by hand, #my sales meeting, #dressed like god, #huge hand, #guy, #thought it would be funny, #hee hee

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The plane is shown being grabbed by a giant hand. A flight crew member announces, "Folks, please stay in your seats. We've been grabbed by a huge hand." The woman next to Dilbert looks terrified. Dilbert says, "I hope this has nothing to do with how I dressed for my sales meeting at the Vatican." Ratbert is watching television at home. A voice from the television says, "But it turned out to be a guy with a huge hand who said he 'thought it would be funny.'" Ratbert laughs, "Hee hee! Huge hand."