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Character
Friday July 03,
2020
Quarantine Before Date
Tags date, desperation, dinner, office workers, quarantine, technology, two weeks
Transcript
dilbert: would you like to go to dinner with me? women: only if you self-quarantine for two weeks first. dilbert: can do! women: well, it seems i underestimated your desperation.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday July 02,
2020
Wally Sneezes His Mask
Wednesday July 01,
2020
Cooties Contact Tracing
Tags 2 weeks, contact, cooties, doctor, doctors' offices, infect, physical, tracing, Women, zero
Transcript
doctor: we need to do contact tracing to determine who else you might have infected with cooties. how may women have you had physical contact with in the past two weeks? dilbert: i'd rather not say. doctor: i'll put you down for zero.
Tuesday June 30,
2020
Cooties Diagnosis
Tags confirmed, cooties, diagnosis, doctor, medicine, Opinion, professional, skepticism, symptom, test
Transcript
doctor: in my professional opinion, you have a bad case of the cooties. we don't have any tests for cooties, but the main symptom is skepticism, and you have that. dilbert: cooties are not real. doctor: diagnosis confirmed.
Monday June 29,
2020
Cooties In Elbonia
Tags cooties, deny, elbonia, managers & supervisors, outbreak, science, symptom, technology, news
Transcript
boss: the news says there's a major outbreak of cooties in elbonia. dilbert: i don't think cooties is a real thing. boss: experts say one of the symptoms of cooties is "denying science."
Sunday June 28,
2020
Dating In The Age Of Coronavirus
Tags attractive, contract, covid-19, dating, eyes, goodnight, kiss, lawyers, mask, masked, negotiations, office workers, single, technology
Transcript
carol: it must be difficult to be single in the age of covid-19. dilbert: it's not too bad, actually. i'm in contract negotiations with a semi-attractive women i met online. with any luck, i will be enjoying a double-masked goodnight kiss by late next month. that assumes our lawyers don't make too many changes to the contract. carol: did you just say she is only semi-attractive? dilbert: i'm judging from the parts i can see. i don't know what's under the mask and shower cap she wears all day. carol: you must like her eyes. dilbert: i like the one i can see. the other one has a patch.
Saturday June 27,
2020
Credible Data
Tags managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology, credible, data, problem, test, good
Transcript
alice: i finished the data throughput tests, but the results are not credible because of a problem with the test. boss: does the non-credible data make us look good? alice: yes. boss: our name for that kind of data is "credible."
Friday June 26,
2020
Input From Idiots
Tags office workers, sarcasm, technology, input, idiots, project, variety, dumb, informed, leadership
Transcript
dilbert: per your orders, i got input on my project from a variety of people who are dumber and less informed than i am. as you might imagine, the net effect was to make everything worse. boss: are you done? dilbert: i just want to thank you for all the leadership.
Thursday June 25,
2020
Getting Opinions
Tags office workers, technology, input, dumb, human, universe, Opinion, strategy, worse
Transcript
boss: get ted's input before you finalize the plan. dilbert: ted is the dumbest human being in the known universe. his opinion can only make things worse. boss: that's how we do it here. dilbert: i didn't realize it was a strategy.
Wednesday June 24,
2020
Wally The Generalist
Tags office workers, sarcasm, technology, generalist, subject, matter, expert, help
Transcript
Tina: wally, can you help me on this? wally: no, i'm more of a generalist than a subject matter expert. tina: what kind of work do generalists do? wally: you just saw it.

