Asking Out Comic Strips - Page 98

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new hire, #not working, #no head, #headless man, #made mistake hiring, #fired, #insubordination

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Dilbert walks up to the Boss. Dilbert guides the headless man by the collar. Dilbert says, "The new guy isn't working out." The Boss says, "Why not?" Dilbert says, "Maybe because he has no head." The Boss frowns. The Boss says,"So, you think that I made a mistake hiring him?" Dilbert says, "Um... no. But the new guy thinks so." The boss shakes his fists. The Boss says, "Then he's fired for insubordination."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bell, #improve moral, #achieve goal, #ring bell, #yell accomplishment, #bell works, #alice, #resisted killing boss

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The Boss points to a bell on the wall and says, "This bell will improve your morale." The Boss continues, "You ring the bell whenever you achieve a goal." The Boss turns and shouts, "Then yell your accomplishment to the rest of the office." The Boss turns to face the office and says, "I know it sounds corny, but the bell has worked in other offices." Dilbert asks, "Does your information come from the bosses of those companies?" The Boss responds, "No. It comes from a magazine that interviewed those bosses." Alice grabs the bell and says, "I'll go first." The bell sounds, "CLANG! CLANG!" Alice calls out to the office, "I resisted killing my boss with a stupid bell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mordac, #preventer if info services, #y2k demon, #not big, #imagined bigger, #cute, #giant foot, #y2k, #fear, #scared, #culture, #unknown

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Mordac stands in front of a shaking computer. Mordac says, "I am Mordac, the preventer of information services! I summon the Y2K demon!" A little tadpole like demon bursts out of the computer screen. Mordac says, "You're not as big as I imagined. I wonder why everyone is so afraid." Mordac holds the demon. Mordac says, "Cute!" A huge claw comes down to pick him up.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee talent show, #charity, #tickets, #give money, #forget idea

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Dilbert, Alice and the Boss sit at the conference table. The Boss says, "We're having an all-employee talent show for charity. Tickets are three dollars!" Alice rolls her eyes. Alice says, "We'll give you three dollars apiece to forget the whole thing. It works out the same." The Boss says, "Deal." Alice says, "Ironically, math is my only talent."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #true story, #drowning in work, #build partition, #away from boss

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The caption reads: "Based on a true story." Carol sits in front of a pile of papers on her desk and says, "I'm drowning in work." She continues, "You have to do something." The Boss stands in front of her desk and says, "I could build a partition right here." Carol holds out her arms and says, "How will a partition help?" The Boss replies, "Carol, you shouldn't be afraid to try new things." He continues, "If it doesn't work, we'll try something else." Workment put up a partition in front of Carol's desk, which blocks her view of the Boss' door. Carol calls out over the partition, "Are you over there?" The Boss stands in the door to his office and thinks, "It works!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #under arrest, #stealing boxes, #recycling goals, #reuse, #recycle, #cell, #locked up, #cubicle

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Catbert stands in the doorway of the copy room. Wally holds a cardboard box. Catbert says, "You're under arrest for stealing empty cardboard boxes!" Catbert says, "The company needs those boxes to meet its recycling goals." Wally says, "But reuse is better than recycling." Wally stands in his cubicle which now has a prison door. Catbert walks away. Wally stares through the bars. Wally thinks, "There's got to be a way out of this cell." The cubicle walls are barely higher than Wally's head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personal business, #lunch hour, #work through lunch, #take full hour, #internet, #business only, #limited zeros and ones, #technology

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Dilbert leans his head in the Boss's office and says, "I'm going to do some personal business during my lunch hour." Dilbert continues, "Normally I would work through lunch." Dilbert says, "But this will take a full hour." Dilbert turns to leave and says, "It would only take two minutes if I used the Internet." Dilbert turns back towards the Boss and wags his finger, saying, "But the internet is for business use only!" The Boss stares as Dilbert says, "Our company has a limited number of zeroes and ones." Dilbert holds out his arms and says, "When they're gone, they're gone. Furthermore..." Wally looks at Dilbert and asks, "You mocked him for a full hour?" Dilbert says, "Now it's time to eat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work too hard, #stressed out, #bored, #sumerging, #head in icy water, #list of compalints, #evil catbert

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Alice stands in front of Catbert. Alice says, "If I work too hard, I get stressed out. But if I don't work hard, I get bored." Catbert says, "I recommend submerging your head in icy water twice a day." Alice says, "Wouldn't that hurt?" Catbert says, "Is there no end to your list of complaints?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #budding forearm, #bone crushing handshake, #hen party, #insulted by wally, #alice shakes hand

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Alice stands with Tina the Tech Writer. Alice holds a hand exerciser. Alice says, "I've beem building up my forearm so I'll have a bone-crushing handshake." Tina says, "Why?" Wally walks up. Wally says, "Hey, what's this - some sort of hen party?" Alice reaches out to shake Wally's hand. Alice smiles. Alice says, "That was very witty, Wally. Congratulations!" Tina says, "Oh."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #deny request, #evil incarnate, #something specific, #dollar estimate, #value, #chair, #quantify job, #work tools

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Dilbert approaches a worker sitting at his desk. He is holding a piece of paper and says, "Why did the I.S. department deny my request for a P.C. upgrade?" The worker holds up his arms and shouts, "Because we are evil incarnate! BUWAHAHAHA!!" Dilbert says, "I was looking for something more specific." The worker holds out the paper and says, "You didn't provide a dollar estimate of the benefits." Dilbert says, "That's ridiculous. I can't put a value on every tool I need to do my job." The worker sits back in his chair with his arms folded and says, "If you can't quantify it, then it must not be necessary." Dilbert throws up his hands and says, "Then why does the company give me a chair? I can't quantify that either." Dilbert sits on the floor of his cubicle, without a chair. He thinks, "Here's one more reason why it stinks to be me."