Big Business Comic Strips - Page 98
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1000 Results for Big Business
View 971 - 980 results for big business comic strips. Discover the best "Big Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday August 20,
2013
Tags cruelty, honesty, managers & supervisors, motivation, insincere, bar too high, low motivation, business
Transcript
Dilbert: My motivation is low today. I understand it's your job to fix that situation. An insincere attaboy or a fake interest in my life would be enough. Boss: Drop dead and let the flies eat you. Dilbert: I set the bar too high again.
Sunday August 18,
2013
Tags employees, laziness, insuffcemt light, interpret, accomplishments, project team, buzzwords, duplicates, harvesting organs, business
Transcript
Boss: Wally, this is my brother, Phil, The Prince of Insufficient Light. I asked him to interpret your accomplishments for this quarter. Phil You have 25 alleged accomplishments. Eight of these accomplishments involved simply being on a project team that did something. Nine accomplishments involved fixing problems you created. Five of these are just buzzwords that don't mean anything. And three are duplicates that you reworded to appear different. I'd recommend harvesting his organs, but those probably don't work either. Wally: That's just mean.
Saturday August 17,
2013
Friday August 16,
2013
Tags cruelty, grades, managers & supervisors, small animal snuff film, sociopath module, punch a squirrel, extra credit, coffee pot, business
Transcript
Dilbert: I heard you got booted off the management fast track. Wally: Yeah. I fell asleep during the small animal snuff film and failed the sociopath module. Dilbert: That seems harsh. Wally: I offered to punch a squirrel, but they don't allow extra credit.
Thursday August 15,
2013
Tags employees, medical equipment & supplies, biosensor, health, shallow breathing, monitor health, business
Transcript
Boss: Wear this biosensor so management can monitor your health during the day. Dilbert; Wow. I didn't know you cared so much about my health. Boss: Oh, I do. Catbert: Employee 479 doesn't have shallow breathing. You can give that one some more work.
Friday August 09,
2013
Tags boredom, cruelty, managers & supervisors, expensive, japanese management technique, banishment room, tolerance for boredom, business
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I don't want to fire you because that would be expensive. So I'm borrowing a Japanese management technique and transferring you to a banishment room until you get so bored you quit. Ted: Looks like someone underestimated my tolerance for boredom.
Thursday August 08,
2013
Tags apathy, managers & supervisors, new strategy, engineers, middle manager, glue, binds, vague objectives, business
Transcript
Carol: What did our CEO have to say? Boss: He has a new strategy, but it seems vague. Carol: What will the engineers think about it? Boss: They don't care about this stuff. Carol: What exactly does a middle manager do? Boss: We're the glue that binds the apathy to the vague objectives.
Thursday August 01,
2013
Tags apathy, managers & supervisors, no confidence, management, low score, cancel surveys, business
Transcript
Boss: According to the employee survey, 98% of you have no confidence in management. Rest assured, management will make sure we never again get such a low score. CEO: Cancel all future employee surveys.
Saturday July 27,
2013
Tags business ethics, coffee & tea, managers & supervisors, brain scan, management potential, warm brown liquid, speed evolved, coffee reservoir, business
Transcript
Catbert: Your brain scan shows tremendous management potential. The part of your brain that would normally control ethics is filled with some sort of warm, brown liquid. It appears that you speed-evolved part of your brain into a coffee reservoir. Wally: People think I don't have a plan.
Friday July 26,
2013
Tags business ethics, managers & supervisors, ethics course, failed ethics, engineer, grasp, fast track, management, corrupt, business, engineering
Transcript
Boss: You failed the online ethics course for the third time. You can't be an engineer for this company if you have no grasp of business ethics. You leave me no choice. I'm putting you on the management fast track. Wally: Huh.

