Brittle People Comic Strips - Page 98

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Brittle People

View 971 - 980 results for brittle people comic strips. Discover the best "Brittle People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hype, #most excellent, #pry myself away, #warming device, #windows 95, #tormenting people

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert sits on a monitor and thinks, "I know I should be off tormenting people . . ." Catbert continues thinking, "But I can't pry myself away from this most excellent butt-warming device." Catbert lies face down on the monitor and thinks, "It's probably because of the hype, but I'm thinking this would be even better with 'Windows 95.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #biggest offices, #file cabinet, #least need, #living monument, #proprietary documents, #stacks full, #storage psace, #efficiency

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice asks the Boss, "Why is it that the people with the least need for storage space have the biggest offices?" Alice stands in the door to the Boss's office and says, "I know! You're using your office as kind of a living monument to inefficiency!" The Boss asks, "Is this because I wouldn't let you get a file cabinet?" Alice asks, "Where would I put it? My cubicle is full of stacks of proprietary documents."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reduced service costs, #technical support, #unlisted phone number, #customer email, #freinds, #don't have freinds

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert stands on a conference table next to a laptop and an overhead projector. He says to the Boss, Alice and Wally, "I've reduced your service costs by giving the technical-support group an unlisted phone number." Dogbert continues, "And a flaw in your product disables the customer's e-mail; they can't even write to you for help!" The Boss asks, "What if they ask a friend to e-mail us?" Alice responds, "People who use our product don't have friends." Wally asks, "Really? I use it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #over internet, #credit card number, #insecure

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Liz sit at a table in a restaurant. Dilbert says, "I would never buy something over the internet. I'd hate to have my credit card number floating around out there." Dilbert hands his credit card to the waitress as he says, "There are a lot of unscrupulous people on the net." The caption says, "Later." Dilbert concludes, ". . . Bottom line, it just isn't common sense." The waitress returns wearing a fur coat and hands Dilbert's credit card back to him.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #opinions, #self described feminists, #non stereo typical, #female characters, #balance, #antina, #math, #education

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at a table with Tina who is growling. Dogbert says, "A while back I asked for opinions about this new character, 'Tina the Brittle Tech Writer.'" Dogbert presents the results, "Most people, including nearly all the self-described feminists, said keep her. But there were many requests to add 'non-stereotypical' female characters for balance." Dogbert points at a muscular woman with a shaved head and says, "In the interest of balance I give you 'Antina.'" Antina says, "Is anybody up for some math?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business plans fail, #realistic goal, #manage spectacular failures, #promoted first, #most cycnical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert sits on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Most business plans fail. Obviously, success is not a realistic goal." Dogbert continues, "But the people who manage the most spectacular failures get promoted first because of their experience." Dilbert says, "That is the most cynical thing I've ever heard in my life!" Dogbert replies, "Thanks. I'm blushing."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #act as sales people, #dilberts mother, #primary rate circuit, #frame delay drop, #packet data, #tough sale

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and his mother sit on the couch. Dilbert shows his mother a document and says, "My company asked all employees to act as salespeople to friends and family. I think you could use this, Mom." Dilbert's mother says, "Why would I need a primary rate circuit? I've already got a frame relay drop to my web server in the sewing room." Dilbert thinks, "This is going to be a tough sale." Dilbert's mother says, "Hello-o-o! Earth to Dilbert! This is packet data . . ."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conquer the world, #secret handshake, #identify people, #new ruling class, #stick out tongue, #vinously slp, #face, #slap

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits on the couch backrest and Ratbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "When I conquer the world I'll have a secret handshake to identify the people who will be part of my new ruling class." Dogbert says, "Cross your eyes and stick out your tongue. Good, now vigorously slap your face." As Ratbert slaps himself, Dogbert says, "The people who aren't doing that will be identified as my new ruling class."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineers, #field support people, #inferior technology, #most attractive feamle, #prodcuts

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table with a sales rep. As they look through some folders, the woman says, "On one hand, my company does use inferior technology in our products . . ." The salesperson continues, "But on the other hand, I'm the most attractive female who has paid attention to you this year." Dilbert responds angrily, "What kind of engineers do you think we are??!" Wally asks, "Do you have pictures of your field support people?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #be my couch, #dysfunctional internet connections, #huge ball yarn, #human resources, #treatment prgrams, #used as furniture, #yarn therpay, #ropes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits across from Catbert's desk. Dilbert asks, "Does Human Resources offer any treatment programs for people with dysfunctional internet connections?" Catbert shows Dilbert a pamphlet and says, "I recommend the 'yarn therapy.' You'll be wrapped in a huge ball of yarn and used as furniture in my office." Dilbert reads the brochure and asks, "Is this like the famous 'Ropes' course where I learn to solve problems as part of a team?" Catbert replies, "Exactly, except here you learn to be my couch."