Creepy Business Practices Comic Strips - Page 98

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 2007's comic on:


Tags #compete on price, #quality features, #fraud, #marketing, #business

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The Boss: "We can't compete on price." "We also can't compete on quality features or service." "That leaves fraud, which I'd like you call marketing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2007's comic on:


Tags #develop good attitude, #job, #invigorated, #busy work, #relabel, #toner cartridges, #business

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Asok: "I'm trying to develop a good attitude about my job." "Every morning I tell myself I am invigorated by busywork." The Boss: "Asok, I need you to relabel the toner cartridges." Asok: "Woo-hoo!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #dont know, #creating illusion, #work, #conflating, #concepts, #attendence, #prodcutivity, #business

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Tina: I don't know you. Why are you in this meeting? Wally: "I'm creating the illusion of work by conflating the concepts of attendance and productivity." "You should leave." Wally: "And who should I say hates teamwork?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 17, 2007's comic on:


Tags #dead horse, #interview, #offcie, #meeting, #chair, #not answering, #few hours, #secretary, #cancel other meetinsg, #take time, #business

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The Boss: "You have good experience as a dead horse, but can you take a beating?" "So, you think you can ignore my questions, do you?" "Cancel all of my meetings, this could take a few more hours."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 26, 2007's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #projects, #complete projects, #calculated risk, #tasks, #lateness irrelevant, #worst week, #business

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"And Wally, did you finish your project tasks for today?" Wally: "No. I took a calculated risk that other people would not finish their tasks either, making my lateness totally irrelevant." "Um..." "That is the worst..." "I need another week."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 12, 2006's comic on:


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Our CEO appreciates pushback. "The last thing he wants is a bunch of yes men." "Don't be afraid to stand your ground. He respects that." "My plan is to form business units around each product line." PLAN "Excuse me. We tried that once and it didn't work." "You're fired. Leave now." "Cruelty or convenience?" "I needed a cubicle to store my extra binders."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 21, 2006's comic on:


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"The first item of business is..." clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety "What's that sound?" clickety clickety clickety clickety "Airplane." "Scooter." "Locusts." "Why does it stop when you talk?" "It landed." "It parked." "They're napping." "Okay...Anyway, I wanted to thank you all for your attendance." clickety clickety clickety clickety "I know you were concerned that my meetings were using up all of the time you had for doing work." clickety clickety clickety clickety clickety "Productivity is up, but apparently we have locusts."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 17, 2006's comic on:


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"We don't have enough chairs." "Why do I always have to get the extra chair?" "I need to borrow your guest chair." "No way." punch punch punch punch punch punch punch "GAAAA!!!" "If you aren't willing to punch a coworker for a chair, you don't belong in this business."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2005's comic on:


Tags #change is good, #triple pay, #meeting, #work for free, #change can be bad, #slogans, #logic, #business

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The Boss: "You must learn that change is good." Change is :) "Any questoins?" Wally: "Who wants this one?" Dilbert: "I got it." "Question: Why don't you triple our pay? That would be a change." The Boss: "That would not be in the best interst of shareholders." Dilbert: "Okay, why don't you work for free? That's a change that's good for shareholders." "Or would it be better to admit that change can be very bad?" Wally: "My favorite part was when he yelled, "Stop ruining my slogans with your logic!"" Dilbert: "Snort hee-hee!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 06, 2005's comic on:


Tags #Catbert, #evil director, #human resources, #assistant manager, #simialr, #slightly worse, #wouldn't be threat, #data base, #both hideous, #criminally insane, #hate cats, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "I need to hire an assistant manager." "I want someone similar to me, but slightly worse in every way." "Worse than you??" "Yes, but only slightly." "The ideal candidate wouldn't be a threat to replace me." "I'll check my database of applicants who are both hideous and criminally insane." "I said slightly worse." "Exactly. I found one." "I can pretend to read in five languages." "I hate cats."