Down For Day Comic Strips - Page 98
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1000 Results for Down For Day
View 971 - 980 results for down for day comic strips. Discover the best "Down For Day" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday July 07,
2015
Whistleblower Laws
Tags #law, #legal issues, #lawyer, #on the lam, #whistleblower, #technicality, #loophole, #legal
Transcript
Wally: I thought you were on the run from killing government agents. Dilbert: I only killed the bad ones. My lawyer says that's legal now under the whistleblower laws. [Earlier That Day] Dogbert: It was a tad aggressive, but I think you're fine.
Wednesday September 02,
2015
Robot As Assassin
Tags #robot, #murder, #instruction, #control, #master, #slave, #assassin, #morals, #cautionary tale
Transcript
Boss: I need you to kill the CEO of our main competition and make it look like a robot accident. Robot: Robots are not allowed to kill humans. That is built into my program. Boss: What if I uncheck that box on your control app? Robot: This feels like the start of a great day.
Tuesday September 15,
2015
Dilbert's Project Is Late
Tags #raise, #wages, #money, #salary, #catch-22, #anger, #frustration, #labor, #review
Transcript
Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.
Friday September 18,
2015
Boss Hoards Gold Unless Hungry
Tags #gold, #apocalypse, #money, #Food, #priorities, #hunger, #fool
Transcript
Boss: You'll be sorry when the world economy collapses. But I'll be okay because I hoarded gold at my house. Alice: On day two, you'll trade all of it for a sandwich. Boss: Only if I'm hungry.
Thursday September 24,
2015
Ceo Compensation
Tags #money, #worth, #salary, #wages, #fairness, #fair, #pay, #expenses, #saving, #rich people, #executives
Transcript
Dilbert: I just saw your net worth on the Internet. What's this meeting about anyway? CEO: It's about keeping expenses down. Dilbert: More for you? CEO: That's not the spin I was going to put on it.
Sunday October 11,
2015
Tags #manager, #work, #results, #observation, #thinking, #strategy, #proof, #evidence
Transcript
Wally: I did a huge amount of work this week. I created a matrix that compares all of our technology options. Boss: Can I see this alleged matrix? Wally: It's in my head. I didn't see a need to write it down. Boss: How would I know if you did it right? Wally: You're not an engineer, so you wouldn't know it was right even if you saw it. You tell me to "work smarter" but you get angry when I do. Boss: You're not allowed to do your work in your head! Wally: Which body part do you use?
Sunday November 22,
2015
Tags #modernity, #reality, #thinking, #frustration, #panic, #existentialism, #existence, #meaning of life
Transcript
Dilbert: Looks like another day of flailing toward arbitrary goals. I will battle my way through a sea of idiots, much like the zombie apocalypse. My ego will be tested and my nervous system will be degraded. And all of this is to earn money so I can... buy items that scientists and product designers have brainwashed me to crave. But I get back at them by writing software they think they can't live without. My life is like two piles of meat trying to play ping pong. Alice: Stop mumbling and take care of this. Dilbert: You take care of it.
Thursday November 12,
2015
Boss's Charisma Inspires Wally
Tags #technology, #text, #texting, #distraction, #shout, #diversion, #charm, #excitement, #cheer
Transcript
Boss: (types on his phone). Wally: Go team! Can you turn down your charisma? I can barely sit still over here.
Sunday December 06,
2015
Tags #logic, #reasoning, #managing, #managers, #leadership, #quality, #absurd
Transcript
Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.
Saturday December 19,
2015
Alice's List
Tags #society, #murder, #violence, #law, #enemy, #revenge, #apocalypse
Transcript
Alice: Looks like I'll be adding this guy to my list. Dilbert: List? Alice: I keep a list of who to visit first when society breaks down and there is no rule of law. Dilbert: To build alliances? Alice: That's the sort of optimism that gets you killed in the first hour.