Down For Day Comic Strips - Page 98

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Down For Day

View 971 - 980 results for down for day comic strips. Discover the best "Down For Day" comics from Dilbert.com.

Robot As Assassin

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Robot As Assassin - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #murder, #instruction, #control, #master, #slave, #assassin, #morals, #cautionary tale

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need you to kill the CEO of our main competition and make it look like a robot accident. Robot: Robots are not allowed to kill humans. That is built into my program. Boss: What if I uncheck that box on your control app? Robot: This feels like the start of a great day.

Dilbert's Project Is Late

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's Project Is Late - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raise, #wages, #money, #salary, #catch-22, #anger, #frustration, #labor, #review

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.

Boss Hoards Gold Unless Hungry

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Hoards Gold Unless Hungry - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #gold, #apocalypse, #money, #Food, #priorities, #hunger, #fool

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You'll be sorry when the world economy collapses. But I'll be okay because I hoarded gold at my house. Alice: On day two, you'll trade all of it for a sandwich. Boss: Only if I'm hungry.

Ceo Compensation

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Ceo Compensation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #money, #worth, #salary, #wages, #fairness, #fair, #pay, #expenses, #saving, #rich people, #executives

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I just saw your net worth on the Internet. What's this meeting about anyway? CEO: It's about keeping expenses down. Dilbert: More for you? CEO: That's not the spin I was going to put on it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #manager, #work, #results, #observation, #thinking, #strategy, #proof, #evidence

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I did a huge amount of work this week. I created a matrix that compares all of our technology options. Boss: Can I see this alleged matrix? Wally: It's in my head. I didn't see a need to write it down. Boss: How would I know if you did it right? Wally: You're not an engineer, so you wouldn't know it was right even if you saw it. You tell me to "work smarter" but you get angry when I do. Boss: You're not allowed to do your work in your head! Wally: Which body part do you use?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #modernity, #reality, #thinking, #frustration, #panic, #existentialism, #existence, #meaning of life

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Looks like another day of flailing toward arbitrary goals. I will battle my way through a sea of idiots, much like the zombie apocalypse. My ego will be tested and my nervous system will be degraded. And all of this is to earn money so I can... buy items that scientists and product designers have brainwashed me to crave. But I get back at them by writing software they think they can't live without. My life is like two piles of meat trying to play ping pong. Alice: Stop mumbling and take care of this. Dilbert: You take care of it.

Boss's Charisma Inspires Wally

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss's Charisma Inspires Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #text, #texting, #distraction, #shout, #diversion, #charm, #excitement, #cheer

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: (types on his phone). Wally: Go team! Can you turn down your charisma? I can barely sit still over here.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #logic, #reasoning, #managing, #managers, #leadership, #quality, #absurd

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: You assigned a pack of idiots to my project team. Boss: We can't afford to hire good people. Dilbert: How am I supposed to create world-class products with a team of disruptive idiots? Boss: Try working extra hard. Dilbert: You want us to be more energetic about our bad decisions? Boss: You also have to put in the hours. Dilbert: Are you saying bad decisions, plus long hours, plus lots of enthusiasm, produces great engineering? Boss: Not if you stand around yacking about it all day.

Alice's List

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Alice's List - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #society, #murder, #violence, #law, #enemy, #revenge, #apocalypse

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Looks like I'll be adding this guy to my list. Dilbert: List? Alice: I keep a list of who to visit first when society breaks down and there is no rule of law. Dilbert: To build alliances? Alice: That's the sort of optimism that gets you killed in the first hour.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #complaining, #problems, #salutation, #sincerity, #insincere, #questioning, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Thanks for meeting me on short notice. How are you? Coworker: Well, actually, someone stole my identity and ruined my credit score. I couldn't refinance my loan and lost my house. So I ate myself into poor health. I stopped shaving for a month and ended up on the terrorist watchlist. My boss hates me and is trying to make me quit by giving me bad assignments. My car broke down and I haven't been hugged in a year. Dilbert: Okay, let's get started. Coworker: That's all the time I had.