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Dogbert stands on the table and says to Ken the Skeptic, "If your controlled tests have never found psychic powers, how do you know the tests work for that sort of thing?" Ken glares and folds his arms across his chest. Dogbert says, "Isn't that like using a metal detector to find out if there are unicorns in your sock drawer?" Ken says, "No!" Later that night... Ken thinks, "A skeptic checks all the drawers." He runs a metal detector over a chest of drawers.
A guy with cold sweat hands a paper to Dilbert. he says, "I finished my work despite having a slight flu. Here's your copy." Dilbert says, "Um... you should give that to Wally." The guy says, "Wally isn't on this project." Dilbert says, "I know. I just figure he has the least reason to live."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the kitchen table and enjoy a cup of coffee together. Dilbert says, "I'm thinking of quitting and working for myself." Dogbert says, "Come work for me." Dilbert says, "Doing what?" Dogbert says, "You'll invent things and I'll exploit you... I mean them." Dilbert says, "I'm not sure you'd be the best boss, Dogbert." Dogbert says, "Don't give me that input you 'resource.'"
Dilbert and Alice are talking in the hall over a cup of coffee. Bob walks up holding a box of his office supplies and says, "I've been chosen for the industrial espionage program." Bob gets an evil look on his face and says, "The plan is that I quit this job and go work for our competitor. Every week I'll send back secret reports." Alice says, "Bob, this is how we fire dumb people." Bob turns to go and says, "That's why it's the perfect cover."
Dogbert is telling The Boss, "From now on, refer to your employees as 'knowledge assets.'" The Boss takes notes. Dogbert the Consultant is sitting on a couch and says, "That will send an unmistakable message." Dilbert comes home from work and says to Dogbert, "He calls us knowledge assets" now. He must think we're complete morons." Dogbert wags his tail and says, "It's an unmistakable message."
Elbonian Factory Tour: Alice and an Elbonian stand in the mud in front of a hut. The Elbonian says, "This is the sweat shop where we make your company's product." Alice takes notes. The Elbonians work with large clamps on their heads. The foreman says, "We attache huge clamps to each employee's head." Alice says, "Why?" The foreman says, "We tried cubicles, but it damaged morale."
Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert tells him, "Dogbert, I've found a way to improve the quality of life around here." Dilbert holds a long list. He explains, "I've catalogued and prioritized all of the things that bother me." Dilbert hands him the list and says, "Study the list so you'll know what behaviors are unacceptable." Dogbert looks at the list and says, "Wow! Thanks! This is a real bonanza!" Dogbert continues, "You're right. This certainly will improve the quality of my life!" Dogbert continues, "I think I'll do a 'Top Hundred' countdown. This could amuse me for months." Dilbert thinks, "That didn't go as well as I'd hoped." Dilbert sits at the table eating a bowl of soup. Dogbert sits on the table in front of him and says, "Number 73: 'Clipping my toenails near your soup.'" Dilbert says, "That had better be an onion there."
Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #legal, #department, #corporate, #lawyer, #trial, #judge, #position, #unglamorous, #consequently, #bad, #attitude, #approve, #sued, #trouble, #month, #nromally, #reject, #lawsuit
The Boss tells Dilbert, "Before I read your proposal, run it past our legal department." Dilbert groans. The Boss thinks, "That's the end of that." A lawyer tells Dilbert, "I didn't have to become a corporate lawyer. I could be a trial lawyer or a judge, you know." The attorney continues, "But I chose to work here at this unglamorous position." The man continues, "Consequently, I have a bad attitude and I'm going to take it out on you." The lawyer says, "Your proposal does noting to help MY career. And if I approve it and we get sued later, then I'll get in trouble." The lawyer continues, "In a month or so, I'll formally reject your idea with a neatly typed but oddly worded memo." The Boss asks, "Did he reject your proposal yet?" Dilbert replies, "Yeah. And he filed a lawsuit against me."
Dilbert sits in a chair and sighs. Ratbert walks into the room and says, "Hey hey! What's this? Are we feeling blue?" Dilbert replies, "Go away, Ratbert." Ratbert thinks, "This could be my chance to bond and become a valuable member of the family." Ratbert grabs Dilbert's shoe and says, "I'm going to hug your foot until you turn that frown upside down." Ratbert continues, "Now tell me why you feel sad." Dilbert replies, "I just walked through something disgusting with my new shoes." Ratbert says, "One of us isn't trying to make this relationship work." Dilbert asks, "Could you do the other shoe now?"
As Alice is working, a man comes up and says, "Alice, I'm the new guy. I look smarter than the people who already work here." Man's appearance starts to change. His body looks more prehistoric. He says, "As you get to know me, I'll look dumber and dumber." Man looks like a prehistoric man with a huge forehead now. Alice says, "That was fast." Man says, "Ooga."