New Hire Comic Strips - Page 98

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View 971 - 980 results for new hire comic strips. Discover the best "New Hire" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2009's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #assignment, #describing, #happy, #ridiculous

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "Ratbert you're my new VP of sales." Dogbert says, "Your job is to set impossible goals for the salespeople and punish them for failing." Ratbert says, "Yay! I always wanted to be a sadist!" Dogbert says, "Dreams do come true."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #angry, #yelling, #assignment, #ridiculous, #overworked

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The boss says, "I need you to do product testing for our new release." Dilbert says, "How could I possible have time for all the work you keep giving me?" The boss says, "Have you tried sacrificing your health?" Dilbert says, "Do I look like I can run marathons?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #explaining, #plan, #delivery, #stuck, #arrow

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The Boss says, "I found a less expensive delivery service for our oversees business packages." The boss says, "Find someone who is traveling to the same country as the package, shoot him with a tranquilizer dart, and hide the package under his hat." Carol thinks, "The first day of any new system is always a problem."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #rating, #performance, #reviews, #attributes, #explaining, #ridiculous, #business

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The Boss says, "We have new software for performance reviews." The boss says, "It has a category for everything." The boss says. "Fish-faced nincompoop! Bingo!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #explaining, #project, #annoyed, #angry, #lazy, #wasting, #time, #business

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Wally says, "I spent the first part of the week installing our new productivity software." Wally says, "Then I used the rest of the week trying to make it interface with our time reporting system." Wally says, "So far all it can do is tell me how much time I'm wasting in this meeting."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #new employee, #introduction, #greeting, #Advice, #scared, #regretting, #ridiculous

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The Boss says, "Welcome to your first day on the job." The boss says, "Always lock your desk at night because many of your coworkers are crooks." The boss says, "And the ones that have eyes like this got hired before we did drug testing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #assignment, #job, #work, #scheme, #guessing, #cruel, #mean, #business

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The boss says, "Ted, your new responsibility is to keep the pigeons from defiling our ledges." Ted says, "Are you hoping this awful assignment will cause me to quit?" The boss says, "Not at all." Ted says, "Are you hoping I'll fall out a window?" The boss says, "Maybe you should stop guessing now,"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 25, 2009's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #problems, #solution, #misunderstanding, #ignoring, #confused, #stupidity

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Dilbert says, "You're paying contractors to do work that I could do if I weren't always in unproductive meetings." Dilbert says, "You could hire temps to attend the unproductive meetings for me, and fire the more expensive contractors." Dilbert says, "Why don't I understand what you just said?" Dilbert says, "Because it made sense?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2009's comic on:


Tags #orders, #job, #elbonia, #training, #lonely, #uncomfortable, #business

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The Boss says, "I need you to go to Elbonia and do some hand-holding while they cut over to the new system." Dilbert says, "Because they?re incompitent?" The boss says, "And lonely." Dilbert says, "I'm not comfortable with this." Elbonian says, "Mud wine?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 28, 2009's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #beard, #mislead, #book, #worker, #background check, #innocent, #screaming

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The Boss says, "Ted, I just got the results of your security clearance background check." The Boss says, "Homeland security ordered me to beat you to death with our emergency preparedness binder." Ted says, "But?.I haven't done anything wrong!" The Boss says, "I might have said some things about your new beard."