Retail Business Comic Strips - Page 98
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1000 Results for Retail Business
View 971 - 980 results for retail business comic strips. Discover the best "Retail Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday December 04,
2005
Tags career criminal, appkying, job, tendonitis, pistol whipping arm, slower paced, lifel, embezzle, job security, business
Transcript
Your resume says you're a career criminal. "Yup." "Um...why are you applying for a job here?" "I'm getting tendonitis in my pistol-whipping arm." "I thought I'd try the slower paced life of white collar crime." "Security." "How much can I expect to embezzle in my first year?" "Earl?" "Lefty!" "Forget this job. Security is where the big money is." "Can you get me in?" "I should start locking my desk."
Sunday December 11,
2005
Tags billion dollar line, design, ecstatic, massive design flaws, press release, proper incenives, stock options, underwater
Transcript
"I told our CEO that the design would be done in a month. He's ecstatic!" "That would be good except that I told you it won't be done for six months." "Ooh." "So, I guess you'll have to tell him." "It's too late." "He's already issued a press release. You'll have to finish the design in a month." "The only way to do it in a month is to accept massive design flaws that will destroy a billion dollar line of business." "That's okay. My stock options are so underwater that it won't make any difference." "I'll just blame all of the problems on the Chinese company that manufactures our products." "Ultimately, it's the CEO's fault for failing to give me proper incentives."
Sunday December 25,
2005
Tags meeting, project acorn cancelled, attend meeting, good questions, business
Transcript
"Can you come to a meeting at three?" "Why?" "I want to tell everyone that Project Acorn is canceled." "You just told me. So I don't need to go, right?" "You might have other questions." "But I don't." "Maybe someone at the meeting will ask a question that you didn't think of." "Should I attend every meeting in the world just in case someone asks a good question?" "Save that one for the meeting."
Sunday February 22,
2004
Tags new senior engineer, ready for promotion, 5 year intern, mean, unfair, poor business model, department won't grow, train new guy
Transcript
Asok: "I heard that you got approval to hire a new Senior Engineer." "As an intern, I have performed all the functions of a Senior Engineer for the past five years. I am now ready for promotion." The Boss: "I plan to hire someone from outside the company." "Must control tiny fists of intern fury." The Boss: "I have the approval to fill the Senior Engineer position but there's a ban on hiring new interns." "So, if I promote you, my empire... oops... I mean my department won't grow." Ask: "Gaaaa! My despair has turned into a searing psychological pain! Ow ow ow!" "That reminds me, I need you to train the new guy."
Sunday April 11,
2004
Tags pay calculated, teal, side conversations, cilantro, head will explode, test theory, better than hoped, meeting, table, conference table, business
Transcript
"You pay will be calculated a new way." "Then I said teal isn't a color." "Shhh! no side conversations." "Multiplied by the base salary." "I think it's a spice." "No side conversations." "It's like cilantro." "I can't help it. I'm the kind of guy who needs to talk or else it feels like my head will explode." "Let's test that theory." Mmmph! "Wow, that worked out better than I'd hoped."
Sunday April 18,
2004
Tags extreme makeover, buisness, Dogbert, rework a face, plastic surgery, scary, human makeover, ears, antlers
Transcript
Dogbert: "I'm going into the extreme makeover business." "I'm planning to take it to the next level." "You'd look good with antlers." "And the nose has to go." Man: "Go?" "Your tiny ears are out of proportion." "These are ears." "I'll also rearrange your fat so you can't see it." "I'll toss in a few extras after you're unconscious, no charge." "Guess how old I am."
Sunday April 25,
2004
Tags international pop star, downloaded cd, burned guitar, poor, made no money, manager stole
Transcript
"Your last job was international pop star?" "Right." "Hey, I recognize you! I bought your new CD." "No you didn't." "When I say bought I mean downloaded." "Exactly. I didn't sell one CD. Everyone downloaded it." "Weren't you already rich?" "My business manager stole everything." "You could perform live." "Too many musicians, not enough venues." "Now do you make music for the love of it?" "I burned my guitar for heat." "I bought your new CD." "No you didn't."
Sunday May 30,
2004
Tags tight budget, colorful paper clips, incoming email, paid per hour, watch, meeting, berate employee, business
Transcript
"Yesterday, someone in this room gave me a document with a yellow paper clip." "I know that multicolored paper clips look 'pretty.'" "But I remind you that we are on a tight budget!" "We can't be throwing away all our money on colorful paper clips." "Do I make myself clear?!!" "I salvaged that paper clip from incoming mail." "Now excuse me while I stare at my watch and wonder how much you're paid per hour." "I'm sure you've done inefficient things that I don't know about." "Two minutes is... $5."
Sunday August 08,
2004
Tags credit reporting company, data, death, debilitating, health problems, low cost provider, ruined lives, medical
Transcript
Dogbert: Im starting a credit reporting company. I'll be the low cost provider because all of my data will be wrong, Dilbert: what will you do when people call and complain that you ruined their lives? Dogbert: I'll put them on hold until their frustration turn into debilitating health problems. Their last words will be AAAGH!!!! I only wanted to buy a minivan! Death will accomplish what customer service could not. Dilbert: Im just curious: Do you have nay qualms about your business plan? any at all? Dogbert: Im not sure. do qualms make you wag?
Sunday November 07,
2004
Tags slaes rep, nice suit, dilbert questioned, well dressed engineer, not redibilty, reverse makeover, consultant, engineers are grungie, business
Transcript
The boss: go with our sales rep and answer the customer's technical questions. whoa! you can't go looking like that. This is a nice suit, exactly, a well dressed engineer has no credicbility! I'll call my reverse make over consultant. Im bob the straight eye for the queer looking guy. Lets see...I'll give you my clothes ...add ear hair eye brow extensions, You seem highly credible and I don't know why. Genius.


