Reason With Idiots Comic Strips - Page 99

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View 981 - 990 results for reason with idiots comic strips. Discover the best "Reason With Idiots" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 07, 2007's comic on:


Tags #marketing wasn't cooperating, #come running, #probelms, #hyprocrsy, #set up

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Dilbert: You said to tell you if marketing wasn't cooperating. The Boss: You can't come running to me with every little problem. Go fix it. Dilbert: Then why did you tell me to tell you?! The boss: It's just something I say.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 06, 2007's comic on:


Tags #boss gives pen, #20 years at job, #could be old

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The Boss: Congratulations on 20 years of service. Here's a pen with the company's logo. "I have one just like it. At least I think this one is mine. I might have gotten them mixed up." "Which one looks like it spent the least time in my ear?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2007's comic on:


Tags #assigning balme, #eventual failure, #wrong vendor, #alienate the client, #rendered mott, #by noncompoops

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Dogbert: I'd like to kick off the project by assigning blame for its eventual failure. Dilbert: Shouldn't we do that after the project is over? Dogbert: I see no reason to wait. Dilbert: Well...okay. Our boss will make us use the wrong vendor. Wally won't do any work. Alice will alienate the client, and Ted is generally worthless. Dilbert: In summary, my excellent work will be rendered moot by nincompoops. Asok: Do you even work here? Dogbert: No, I was just in the neighborhood.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2007's comic on:


Tags #quagmire, #alien, #highly advanced intelligence, #genius

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Alien: I am an alien with highly advanced intelligence. I have come to share my genius with this company. Asok: Me too. But they don't like that sort of thing here. It's a quagmire."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 22, 2007's comic on:


Tags #evil director, #human resources, #scientist, #planet zorp, #technolgies, #engineers, #transfer knowledge, #work, #fabric covered container, #business, #science

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Scientist: I am a scientist from the planet Zorp. I bring you technologies beyond your imagination. All I ask is that you let me work with your engineers to transfer this knowledge. They think 'work' means sitting in a fabric-covered container.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 21, 2007's comic on:


Tags #albanian airlines, #bad airlines, #baggage, #cheapest flights, #corporate travel website, #Food, #security, #travel must be booked, #osama bin laden

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The Boss: From now on, all travel must be booked through the corporate travel web site. Alice: Our travel web site is terrible. It only lets you book the cheapest flight, and that's always on Elbonian Airlines. The Boss: Don't be such a snob. What's wrong with using a discount airline? Alice: Well, they list their destination airports as 'whatever looks soft'. The meals in first class are made of anyone who dies in coach. Their entire security screening process involves shouting at each passenger 'Are you Osama bin Laden?!!!'" "And I once saw a baggage handler wearing my dress. The Boss: Whiner.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 19, 2007's comic on:


Tags #staff meeting, #posting, #six sigma methods, #eliminate gap, #waste of time

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The Boss: Carol, schedule a staff meeting. Carol: What's the topic?" The Boss: I plan to fuse Six Sigma with lean methods to eliminate the gap between our strategy and our objectives. Carol: I'll just say 'Waste of time'.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 15, 2007's comic on:


Tags #freely singing, #glanced at, #ratbert, #singing

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Ratbert: TRA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!!! "Why do I need a reason?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 13, 2007's comic on:


Tags #product with netork, #run cable through shoebox, #twigs and leaves, #cat 5, #cat 6

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Sales Engineer I've successfully integrated our product with your network." "It might look as if all I did was run a Cat5 cable through a shoebox full of twigs and leaves." "Is that all you did?" "A Cat6 cable would be overkill."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 12, 2007's comic on:


Tags #engineer, #magic vendors fault, #network, #shoebox, #twigs and leaves, #engineering

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Client: Your network product appears to be a shoe box full of twigs and leaves. Sales engineer: Hoho! Just wist util my engineer does his magic and integrates it with your network! Make it look like another vendor's fault.