Good Attendance Comic Strips - Page 99

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1000 Results for Good Attendance

View 981 - 990 results for good attendance comic strips. Discover the best "Good Attendance" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 2016's comic on:


Tags #intelligence, #insult, #healing, #doctor, #ego, #medical

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Boss: My doctor says he's never seen anyone heal as quickly as me. Dilbert: What do you suppose that means? Boss: Obviously it means I am genetically gifted. Dilbert: Is that the only explanation? Boss: Well, maybe ten percent of it is because of good medical care. Dilbert: Can you think of any other reason at all? Alice: Doctors tell idiots their bodies are magic because it makes them feel special. Dilbert: He would have gotten there. Alice: I don't have that kind of time.

Yoga For Posture

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Yoga For Posture - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #yoga, #posture, #dating, #attraction, #Women, #relationships

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Dilbert: I don't know what to do about my bad posture. Dogbert: Try yoga. Dilbert: Ooh, good idea. That will also improve my odds of meeting an attractive yoga-loving woman. Man: That was my plan too, but the full-stack guys gut here early and scared away the yoga women.

Catbert Will Not Help Children

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Catbert Will Not Help Children - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2016's comic on:


Tags #reasoning, #judgment, #company policy, #rules, #regulations, #rigid, #stringent, #inflexible

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Dilbert: Can you give me Carol's home address? I agreed to watch her kids and she turned off her phone for her date night. Catbert: It is against company policy for me to use my good judgment to save children. Dilbert: Are you sure it says that? Catbert: Yes. I wrote it myself.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #managing, #work ethic, #laziness, #deception, #trick

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Boss: IS the software done yet? Wally: That depends. Do you have any new feature requests? Boss: Only three. Wally: Then it's not done, is it? Boss: Well, no, I guess not. So... when will it be done? Wally: It will be done one week after you give me your last changes. But I believe you taught us that change is good. So either you can be a stagnant bureaucrat or a dynamic leader with lots of changes. It's a question of free will, really. Boss: I have to be somewhere else.

Asok's Goal

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Asok's Goal - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #goals, #employment, #driver, #ride share, #rideshare, #dream, #turnover

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Asok: Is it important to have goals? Boss: Yes! You need goals to succeed. Asok: Good, because my goal is to become an Uber driver. I quit. What is your goal? Boss: Reducing employee turnover.

Try Not Being Boring

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Try Not Being Boring - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #motivation, #inspiration, #frustration, #bored, #boring, #powerpoint, #meeting, #obliviousness, #eric scott, #business

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CEO: I don't think my motivational messages are getting through to the employees. I can't make them pay attention to anything. Catbert: Have you tried not being boring? CEO: Good idea. I'll make fifty slides of pure excitement.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 03, 2016's comic on:


Tags #Advice, #advising, #teenagers, #parents, #Parenting, #tattoo, #piercing, #terrorism, #boundaries

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Carol: My teenager wants to pierce his ear. Should I let him? Dilbert: Sure. It's only a tiny hole and it heals. Carol: Good point. Narrator: Next day. Carol: Now he wants a small tattoo. Dilbert: Well, if it doesn't show... Narrator: Next week. Carol: Now he wants to grow a human ear on his back, the way scientists did with that rat. Dilbert: As long as he can cover it with a shirt when he gets a job, I see no problem. You have to let him live his own life. Narrator: One week later. Carol: He joined ISIS. Dilbert: I forgot to mention that I'm no good at giving advice.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 17, 2016's comic on:


Tags #management, #honesty, #competition, #criticism

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Boss: Why are our competitors beating us on the benchmark speed tests? Do they have better engineers? Dilbert: No, they have better management. Their management probably got them the budget they needed to do the job right. I"m guessing they were helpful, instead of being useless, blamecasting time-wasters. I hear you can do a lot when you have good management. I'll probably try to get a job with a competitor. They sound great. It is also possible they lied about their benchmark results. Boss: You should have said that first!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 01, 2016's comic on:


Tags #election, #voting, #technology, #fraud, #cheating, #vote, #Politics

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Boss: We won a contract to write software for voting machines. Dilbert: Who do you want to be president? Boss: Why do you ask? Dilbert: Because I want you to be happy. Boss: You're implying that you plan to fudge the system. Dilbert: I'm not implying anything like that. Obviously, it will be easy to fudge the data, and we are far happier when you're in a good mood. But I would never commit a crime just because it is good for ma and totally undetectable. Boss: Okay, good. Dilbert: So who do you want to win and by how much?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 08, 2016's comic on:


Tags #logic, #false logic, #imagination, #managers, #review, #performance

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.