Search Results for "reward for leaving work"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Notice: Too many results returned for your search. Displaying the first 1000 most relevant results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 16, 2001's comic on:


Tags #designed product, #gaping hole, #market, #miracle team work, #actual afeatures, #eaten by squirrels

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of a complex model. He points on the screen and says, "I designed a product that could fill a gaping hole in the market." Dilbert continues his presentation, pointing to a new slide with two shapes on it, nothing more. He says, "But thanks to the miracle of teamwork it turned into a product with no actual features." The next slide Dilbert points to shows a picture of himself in bed, laughing. He says, "In Phase three I fantasized about my coworkers being eaten by squirrels."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 27, 2001's comic on:


Tags #bonus, #did well, #hiring freeze, #shrink empire, #hand shaking situation, #hand, #questioning clean

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally is sitting at his desk. The Boss approaches from behind with a check in hand. He says, "The company did well so you get a bonus despite the fact you did no work all year." After handing Wally the check, The Boss continues, "I'd fire you but I can't replace you because there's a hiring freeze and I don't want to shrink my empire." The Boss fidgets nervously and says, "This might be a hand-shaking situation but I don't know where your hand has been." Wally continues to stare at his check and brushes The Boss with, "Off you go."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 2001's comic on:


Tags #exit interview, #helpful data, #personal problems, #unethical weasel, #main reason for living

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: The Exit Interview. The Boss sits at his desk facing an employee. He says, "What would you say is your main reason for leaving?" The employee responds lightly, "I can't stand working for an unethical weasel." Catbert is sitting at his desk, across from The Boss. The Boss says, "Yep, personal problems." Catbert responds, "I'm glad that we collect this helpful data."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #team work, #natures way, #identify weak, #perpetuating genes, #negative spin, #boss puts spin

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is sitting at his desk. Wally addresses him, "Teamwork is nature's way of identifying the weak." Wally continues, "The strong, such as myself, put all of our energy into perpetuating our genes." Wally concludes, "Now this is when you usually try to put a negative spin on everything."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2001's comic on:


Tags #moral money, #doing hood, #buy prodcuts, #logo, #coffee mug, #ten million dollars, #morale dollars

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says to Dilbert and Wally, "Introducing 'Morale Money.' Now you can earn money for doing good work." The Boss continues, "You can use it at the company store to buy products that have our logo." Dilbert is at the company store's cash register holding a mug. The employee says, "The coffee mug costs ten million morale dollars."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2001's comic on:


Tags #ergonomic evaluation, #key board, #supposed to hurt, #feel hands, #whole body numb

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss is sitting at his desk. Asok the intern asks stiffly, "May I have an ergonomic evaluation of my chair and keyboard?" The Boss responds, "Asok, work is supposed to hurt. That's how you know you're doing it right." Asok exclaims, "I can't feel my hands!" To which The Boss replies, "My whole body is numb!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 13, 2001's comic on:


Tags #bob, #ex emloyee, #died, #funeral, #barely knew, #erfromance review, #communication skills, #attendance

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is standing on The Boss' desk. Catbert says, "Bob was working for you when he died. The family wants you to say something at his funeral." The Boss replies, "I barely knew him. Maybe I can read something from his last performance review." The Boss is standing at a podium at the funeral. He says in his speech, "Bob needs to work on his communication skills.. and attendance."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 21, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dating attractive men, #dumb self centered, #intelligent homely guy, #gym, #free weights, #girl talk, #Dilbert, #Women

View Transcript

Transcript

Two women are at the gym. The dark haired says to the light haired, "I'm tired of dating attractive men who are dumb and self-centered." The dark haired continues, "Maybe I can find an intelligent homely guy and clean him up." The light haired exclaims, "No!!!" Dilbert approaches the women and asks, "Do you mind if I work in a set with those five-pounders?" The dark haired looks at Dilbert from the corner of her eye and smiles. The light haired screams, "Don't do it, Amber!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 05, 2001's comic on:


Tags #no problems, #week, #issues, #opportunites, #challenges, #valuable learning experinces

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert are sitting at a conference table. Wally says to The Boss, "I'm pleased to report that I had no problems this week." Wally continues, "I only had issues, opportunities, challenges, and valuable learning experiences." The Boss replies, "Did you do any work?" Wally responds, "It didn't seem necessary."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 08, 2001's comic on:


Tags #learn take risks, #quitting company, #someplace better, #understand

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice is sitting at The Boss' desk. The Boss says, "Alice, you have to learn how to take risks." Alice replies, "You mean like quitting this putrid company and going to work someplace better?" The Boss asks Catbert, "Why doesn't anyone understand anything I say?" Catbert responds, "Three o'clock."