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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company lawyer, #secret military project, #north elbonians, #communits, #guilty of treason, #executed, #pull a lever

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Dilbert sits down with the lawyer and says, "I'm working ona top secret military project. My boss hired some North Elbonians to help me." Dilbert says, "They're communists. If I give them any information, I could be guilty of treason. I could be executed." Dilbert asks, "Can you help?" The lawyer says, "Sure. What would I have to do - pull a lever?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #illogical scientist, #much smarter, #scientists, #invented things, #don't understand sceince

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Behind him a guy with glasses and a mustache says, "Hi. I'm Dan the Illogical Scientist." Dan says, "I'm much smarter than you because scientists have invented many things." Dilbert says, "But those are other scientists, not you." Dan says, "Apparently you don't understand science."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #role model, #despite pressure, #frustration, #can't break, #no spine, #philosopher, #Wally, #asok admires wally

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Asok and Wally areeating lunch in thecompany cafeteria. Asok says, "You're my role model, Wally." Asok holds a sandwich in his hands and says, "despite all the pressure and frustration, you press on. You bend but do not break." Wally says, "My motto is, 'They can't break you if you don't have a spine.'" Asok says, "Wow. You're like a philosopher!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #each photo, #universe, #tiny skull, #going to explode, #tarpaulin, #rat talks garbageman

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Ratbert sits on a garbage can and says, "So... each photon is a universe.. then mass is just a probability cluster?" THe trash man says, "That's how I see it." Ratbert holds his head in his hands like it's about to explode and says, "Wow! I think my tiny skull is so full it's going to explode." The garbage man says holds a plastic bag of trash and says, "Let me get a tarpaulin." Dogbert walks up and says, "Have you been talking to our garbage man again?" Ratbert sits on a canvas tarp and holds his head. He says, "Don't get too close."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #line of probablity, #illusion of gravity, #consciousness

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The garbage man sits on the ground talking to Ratbert. He syas, "...As your consciousness passes through each universe, you tend to follow a line of probability." Ratbert writes this down in a spiral notebook. He says, "Got it." The garbage man says, "And since it's more probable that matter is near other matter, you have the illusion of gravity as your consciousness moves toward the norm." He waves his arm in the air to demonstrate. The garbage man says, "Did you get all that, Ratbert?" Ratbert says, "Hey, I'm not stupid. Does this Norm guy have a last name?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance review, #ding you, #keep informed, #peek at computer, #unread messages

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Performance review Alice is having a performance review. She says, "Alice, I had to ding you for not keeping me informed about your project." Alice says, "May I take a peek at your computer?" Alice says, "You have twelve thousand unread messages." The Boss says, "Well, it's a little late for that now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #less technical terms, #ceo, #vp, #other technologies

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The Boss is critiquing something Dilbert wrote. he says, "You'll have to write this in less technical terms for me.." The Boss hands the repport back to Dilbert and says, "Make it even less technical for my boss... even less for our VP.. even less for our EVP.. much less for our CEO." Dilbert is giving a presentation and points to the overhead projection. "...And compared to other technologies, there's a big difference in the mouth area." The image is a simple frowning "smiley" face.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blind people, #excellent hearing, #brain compensates, #telekinetic power, #watch televison, #power to watch tv

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The garbage man says, "Blind people often have excellent hearing. The brain compensates for any lost function by bolstering others." Ratbert sits ona trash can, listening. The garbage man says, "In all likelihood, Ratbert, you're so dumb that you have telekinetic power!" Ratbert says, "Wow!" Ratbert walks off and says, "I have the power to watch television!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #skeptics association, #psychic rat, #passport, #drivers licence, #fake id, #dna test, #never been cloned

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Dilbert is talking on the telephone and says, "Is this Skeptics Association? I need your help to prove my rat isn't psychic." Dilbert holds the phone and says, "My name is Dilbert. Yes, I can prove it; I have a pssport and a driver's license. Well, yeah. It's easy to get a fake ID, but..." Hours later... Dilbert is still on the phone, his hair is a mess and he says, "...Okay, what if I take a DNA test? No, I can't prove I've never been cloned!!" He's angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mental powers, #predicting, #proven psychic, #scientific methid, #testing

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Ken the Skeptic sits in a chair, drinking from a cup of coffee. He says, "I've used the scientific method to debunk 100% of the people who claim they have mental powers." Dogbert sits on the couch and says, "Are you saying that every test you perform turns out the way you predict it will?" Ken says, "What's your point?" Dogbert's ears fly up and he screams, "You've proven that you're psychic!"