Make Tie Comic Strips - Page 99
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1000 Results for Make Tie
View 981 - 990 results for make tie comic strips. Discover the best "Make Tie" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday May 10,
2013
Tags #banning telecommuting, #cruelty, #evil corporations, #executives, #maternity leave, #new policy, #pay package
Transcript
Boss: Employees are in a furor over our new policy and banning telecommuting. CEO: Really? You mean we found a way to make them stop obsessing over my pay package? Try canceling all maternity leave and see if it makes them stop talking about telecommuting.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday June 10,
2013
Tags #apathy, #gadgets, #vision / eye care, #wally glasses, #google glasses, #enhance reality
Transcript
Dogbert: I invented "Wally Glasses" to compete with Google's glasses. Google's glasses enhance reality, whereas Wally glasses make reality look like it isn't worth the effort. Dogbert: Let me know if they kill you.
Tuesday June 11,
2013
Tags #honesty, #managers & supervisors, #secret of success, #plan b, #two hairballs, #business
Transcript
Boss: Asok, the secret to success is making your boss look good. Asok: What if my boss looks like two hairballs on an infected bladder? There's no way to make that look good. Boss: You're not off to a strong start. Asok: Please tell me there's a Plan B.
Sunday July 07,
2013
Tags #obliviousness, #work ethic, #lawyer, #60 page contract, #amendements, #900 contracts, #tax law, #17 managers, #good leaders, #standards, #legal
Transcript
Boss: Our lawyer sent over a sixty-page contract renewal that I need you to review. Make sure you compare it to the original contract and all six or seven amendments. Dilbert: Are there six or... seven? Boss: No one really knows. Check out our other nine hundred contracts to make sure this one doesn't violate any of those. Keep in mind our five-year strategic plan and all likely changes to tax law. Then get buy-in from the seventeen managers who hate my guts and will take it out on you. By tomorrow. Good leaders set high standards.
Sunday July 14,
2013
Tags #access, #apprval, #blocked website, #cip, #director of hr, #hostiliy, #mean, #threat
Transcript
This website has been blocked by your company. Dilbert: Mordac, I need access to a blocked site for business reasons, Mordac: I can only unblock the site if the director of human resources sends me a written approval. Catbert: I can only make recommendations, Our Cis still has to approve it. Chief Information Officer How dare you bother me with your trivial website problem! Carol back into your hole and think about the career mistake you just made! Dilbert: Can we kip the part where you ask me what I accomplished this week?
Tuesday June 25,
2013
Tags #managers & supervisors, #time estimate, #propsal, #win bid, #wet sponge, #insulted me, #business
Transcript
Boss: I adjusted your time estimate on the proposal from two years to one so we could win the bid. I plan to make up the time by squeezing you like a wet sponge that insulted me. Then the wet sponge insulted me.
Wednesday July 03,
2013
Tags #executives, #wages, #media, #overpaid, #ceos, #executive pay, #sultan of brunei, #larry elliosn, #god, #Religion, #Entertainment, #money
Transcript
CEO: The media is saying I'm overpaid compared to other CEOs. That's crazy. Do a benchmark study of executive pay, including the Sultan of Brunei, Larry Ellison, and God. Make sure my pay ends up somewhere in the middle so it doesn't look suspicious.
Thursday July 04,
2013
Tags #dating, #organic parts, #cyborg technology, #robot, #relationships
Transcript
Dating in 2018 Woman: Your organic parts are unimpressive. But, wow, your cyborg technology is scorching hot. Dilbert: I knew my day would come. Woman: I want to make a robot with you.
Sunday August 11,
2013
Tags #frustration, #lawyers, #software, #license, #legal dept, #services, #email, #open source, #definsition, #forge signature, #software license, #engineering
Transcript
Boss: Can you approve the purchase of this software? Boss: You need to run the software license past legal first. Lawyer: You need to fill out a legal services request form. I'll email it to you. Make sure you specify whether the software is open source or not. Dilbert: How would I know if it meets your definition of open source? Lawyer: It depends how the license is written. You'll need to ask legal to review it. Dilbert: Never mind. I'll just forge your signature on the form. Lawyer: Maybe this is why I've never seen a software license.
Wednesday July 31,
2013
Tags #meetings, #telephones, #work ethic, #teleconference, #phone on mute, #nap, #weaselable
Transcript
Coworker: Can you attend our Tuesday meeting? Wally: I'll teleconference. Coworker: That will make me wonder if you called in, put your phone on mute, and took a nap. Wally: We useless people call that weaselable doubt.