Mind Out Of Niche Comic Strips - Page 99

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I need you to pick up Ted's function. "No problem. I have infinite capacity to do more work as long as you don't mind that my quality approaches zero." "Or are you asking me to do something that's logically impossible?" "I think I hate you."

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Wally Interviews "Do you mind if I eat a sandwich while we do this?" "Yes, actually I..." CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP MMM-MMM MPH-UH "What would you say is your biggest weakness?" "Cheese."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #softening up, #employee satisfaction survey, #fire them, #purring

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Catbert: The employee satisfaction survey says they don't trust management. "Don't worry. I'll find out who feels that way and fire them during the next retrenchment." "Purr? Who said purr?"

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Tags #grim reaping, #field, #unpaid overtime cases, #see guys die

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"Someday I hope to get into the grim reaping field." "I don't mind working these unpaid overtime cases, but just once I'd like to see one of you guys die." "Hey, I just realized that my rake is very blunt."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #flashy, #thermostat, #turn up, #boiling, #build device, #get heat, #from your hot flash

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"Flashy, do you mind if I turn up the thermostat a few degrees?" "Yes. It's boiling in here." "Would you mind if we built a device that would redirect the radiant heat from your body?" "Okay, fine." "I should have asked more questions."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #buy advertsising, #gullible world, #2 billion readers, #three readers

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Would you like to buy advertising in my new magazine called 'Gullible World'? "We have between one and two billion readers!" "Wow!" "I figured out how to make three readers sound like a lot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #two ceos, #top job, #syockholders, #average employees slaary

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"After the merger, we'll have two CEOs sharing the top job." "A spokesperson explained 'If our stockholders don't mind paying one CEO 450 times the average employee's salary..." "...They shouldn't mind doing it twice.'"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human rescources, #disgruntled, #bad management, #commute, #rationalizer, #employee, #commute is easy

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "Ed, you seem disgruntled." "You need 30 minutes in the Employee Rationalizer." "I...I...don't mind bad management because...the commute is easy." "Better."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bed idea, #new sourpuss, #optimism, #leadership 90 5 opitimism

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"Meet our new Sourpuss." "I heard that every office has one. And we didn't, so I went out and got one." "Does anything ever sound like a bad idea to you?" "Leadership is 90% optimism."

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Tags #evil director, #downsizing, #human way, #marketing ones, #giant dung beetle, #ball, #poor performers

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources "The downsizing will be handled in the most humane way I could think of." "I hired a giant dung beetle to roll the poor performers into a ball and out the door." "I can't get the marketing ones to stick. They keep sliding off."