New Job Title Comic Strips - Page 99
1000 Results for New Job Title
View 981 - 990 results for new job title comic strips. Discover the best "New Job Title" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share June 17, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert stands in front of an audience and says, "The successful zombie knows how to squash the creativity of co-workers." Dogbert points to a picture of a man with bags under his eyes and says, "When you hear a new idea, adopt a facial expression which conveys both fear and an utter lack of comprehension." Dogbert continues, "Those of you who work in marketing only need to add the fear part." Someone asks, "Why is that?"
Share June 23, 1993's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "As you know, all projects are assigned acronyms. Unfortunately, all the good ones have been used." The Boss says, "Any new project will have to use an acronym from this short list of somewhat less desirable choices." Dilbert asks, "What should I call my new project?" The Boss replies, "Well, you could use 'PHLEGM' or 'PLACENTA.'"
Share July 01, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "My patent will make fifty million dollars for the company, so I thought maybe you could afford to give me a raise." The Boss replies, "Unfortunately, the profit bucket is not connected to the budget bucket, so there's no money for a raise." Dilbert says, "I think some recognition of a job well-done is appropriate here." The Boss replies, "Thanks. It WAS one of my better excuses."
Share July 07, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert opens his door and two agents wearing dark sunglasses and holding guns show him their identification badges. The agent says, "We're the government. We came to confiscate your so-called 'Happiness Drug.'" As the agent holds his gun to Dilbert's nose, Dilbert says, "It's not a drug! It's just a mixture of fruits and vegetables that makes you feel happy! You can't outlaw good nutrition!" The other agent says, "Hmm . . . I guess that wouldn't make sense, would it?" The agent says, "Ignore him. He's a new guy."
Share July 10, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair reading a book and Dogbert stands on the hassock holding a plate. Dogbert says, "You already own the 'Acorn Series' of Dogbert's Commemorative Plates . . ." Dogbert continues, "For a limited time you may also purchase my new issue: the 'French Guy With a Hat' series." Dogbert has drawn a face on the acorn. Dilbert says, "My acorn plates are missing." Dogbert sits on his pillow thinking, "Tomorrow I'll introduce my new series: 'Russian With French Hat.'"
Share July 14, 1993's comic on:
Dogbert stands on a desk chair counting money. Dilbert says, "It looks like sales of the 'Dogbert Joggerobic Carpet Patch' are brisk." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, and I'm looking to expand." Dogbert continues, "Ratbert is busy researching new product concepts for the carpet patch." Ratbert holds the carpet patch on his head and thinks, "Carpet Club for Men."
Share July 15, 1993's comic on:
Ratbert says to Dogbert, "I think I've hit upon a brilliant new direction for expanding our product line." Ratbert says, "I call them 'Carpet Patch Kids.' Each one is made from carpet and has its own name!" Ratbert says to the carpet doll as he walks away, "Don't feel bad, Raquel. I don't think he meant it as a personal attack."
Share July 19, 1993's comic on:
The Boss says to an employee, "Your new project will have no budget and no management support. Expect to spend most of your time giving status reports." The man's head disappears and he thinks, "Oh no! The life force has been drained out of me! I'm becoming a damp rag!!!" Dilbert looks at the floor and says, "That's amazing." The Boss replies, "It's nothing. I did eighteen at once at the employee empowerment brunch."
Share August 12, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert and Zimbu compete for one job. The Boss: This next event tests your humor and creativity. The objective is to see how much fun you can have in the barrel. Who wants to go first? Dilbert: This is no fair. Zimbu is a monkey. He has an advantage.
Share August 13, 1993's comic on:
The Boss: After comparing the two of you, I've decided to keep Dilbert for the last engineering job. Dilbert: Yes! I win, you little banana-eating-flea-hotel! Ha ha ha ha ha!!