One He Guy Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for One He Guy

View 981 - 990 results for one he guy comic strips. Discover the best "One He Guy" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags bought cisco, cardboard box, dogcart consults, entrepreneurial, misdialed bookie, revive spirt

View Transcript

Transcript

The caption reads: "Dogbert consults." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "You can revive the entrepreneurial spirit here by reminding people of the early years." Dogbert points to a picture of two homeless people. He says, "Your founders were two men who began in a cardboard box." Dogbert stands in front of the room of employees and says, "One bum midialed his bookie and accidently bought Cisco stock at the IPO."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags customer type, feeble minded people, reorganize, second guess, dogbert consults

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert is sitting at a conference table beside the boss, across from Dilbert and Wally. Dogbert says, "You need to reorganize by customer type." Gesturing toward the boss, Dogbert continues, "One division would focus on selling to feeble-minded people." The boss says, "Are you gesturing at me because I would work in that division?" Dogbert says, "What's your second guess?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags misaligned, position code, module, problem, anonymous note, disappearing link

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is standing on a desk and talking to Dilbert. Catbert says, "We can't pay this week because your position code is misaligned with your module." Catbert continues, "Worse yet, no one knows what that means or whose responsibility it is to fix it." Dilbert says, "Who told you about the problem?" Catbert says, "It was an anonymous note with disappearing ink."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags payroll problem, wrong person, speak with supervisor, forward call

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, on the phone, says, "I'm trying to find someone who can help me with a payroll problem." A worker on the phone says, "You're close. I'm the guy who forwards your call to the wrong person." Dilbert says, "I'd like to speak with your supervisor." The voice on the other end of the line says, "I'll forward your call."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags kiss daughter goodnight, working too hard

View Transcript

Transcript

A man is standing in front of the boss. The man says, "You're working me too hard! I want to get home in time to kiss my daughter goodnight!" The man continues, "And I'm not the only one who feels this way." The boss says, "I've seen your daughter and I'm fairly certain you're the only one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cpr, take kidney, leave in ice, strip him, save him

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert, Catbert and The Boss look at Asok the Intern's legs sticking straight up in the air. Dilbert asks, "Asok is down. Does anyone know CPR?" The Boss says to Dilbert, "Is CPR the one where we take his kidney and leave him in a tub of ice?" Dilbert says to The Boss, "Um... I don't think so." The Boss says, "We'd better strip him and shave him just in case."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags asok alive, cpr, angles, ratbert, rat is blue, lifesavers

View Transcript

Transcript

Sitting up on the floor, Asok rubs his head and says to The Boss, Dilbert and Wally, "I'm alive!" Asok asks Dilbert, The Boss, Wally and Alice, "Which one of you angels administered the life-saving CPR?" Ratbert says to The Boss, Asok and Alice, "Speaking of 'Lifesavers,' I could sure use one right now."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers brain, like pump, prime it, learns first, form foundation, future perceptions, talking smack

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert and Dilbert watch The Boss who is in a coma at his desk. Catbert says, "A manager's brain is like a pump. If it becomes empty you must prime it." Catbert says to Dilbert, "Whatever he learns first will form the foundation for all of his future perceptions." Catbert points at Dilbert and says to The Boss, "This guy has been talking smack about you." The Boss begins to come to, saying, "Unh..."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags how to book, teach people, winning lottery numbers, find free real estate, lose weight, tubs of ice cream, strong abs, see angels, near death experience, get rid witnesses

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert sits at Dilberts computer. Dilbert stands in a robe with a cup of coffee. Dogbert says, "I'm writing a comprehensive "how to" book." Dogbert says, "In chapter one, I teach people how to pick winning lottery numbers." Dogbert says, "Chapter two: How to find free real estate in very nice neighborhoods." Dogbert says, "Chapter three: how to lose weight by eating huge tubs of ice cream." Dogbert says, "Chapter four: how to build strong abs by joining a gym and never going." Dogbert says, "Finally, how to see angels by giving yourself a near death experience." Dogbert says, "That last one is just to get rid of all the witnesses." Dilbert thinks, "On the plus side I don't feel so bad about not recycling."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags security, equipment removal, authorization, signatures, turn tables, sign form, birth certificate

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks by the security desk with a computer part under his arm. The guard says, "Stop." The guard says, "Show me your "equipment removal authorization form." Dilbert shows him a piece of paper. The guard says, "This requires the signature of TWO employees." Dilbert hands the guard a pen and says, "Good catch. You'd better sign it so it's legal." The guard says, "This seems wrong... but I don't know why why." Dilbert says, "And I'll need to see your birth certificate" The guard says, "I don't have one." Dilbert says, "Then how do you know you were born?" The guard thinks, "I have baby pictures, but they could have been doctored by my alleged mom."