Doesn't Work Anyway Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Doesn't Work Anyway

View 981 - 990 results for doesn't work anyway comic strips. Discover the best "Doesn't Work Anyway" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 04, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

I can no longer work with you because of what you said to someone about me. "What did I allegedly say to whom?" "I can't tell you without violating the insane chick code of ethics."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I want you to write a business case for lobbying our government to attack Elbonia." "In the risk analysis section, do you want me to assume that hell is real or imaginary?" "Real. But remember to discount the infinite future flows of agony to the present so it doesn't look so bad."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

Today I had a choice of doing something important that no one would ever realize... "...Or doing something useless that would look like an accomplishment." "So I attended meetings until I could no longer appreciate the difference." "Keep up the good work."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 23, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"What the...? How can you be relaxed with so much work to do?" "Your mistake is taking pride in how much work you can complete." "You see, Alice, there's an infinite quantity of potential work." "But it's only possible to do a finite amount." "You have set yourself up for certain failure according to your own arbitrary standard." "By way of contrast, I take pride in not taking pride in my work." "I've already achieved my goal and it's not even lunch time yet." "Don't you need a new goal for after lunch?" "I'm aiming for a distended stomach."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 26, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Wally, I came to ask you for the new design specs." "But we both know you'll send me to someone who doesn't have them, and that person will refer me back to you." "When I return, you will have escaped to your secret hiding place." "Ted has the specs."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Alice, interview the guy in our conference room and see what he can do for us." "I'm going to bonk your head on the table. If it sounds empty, you'll work in marketing." "How did it go?" "I bonked too hard. We just got a new sales guy."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 18, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"This week I tried to work, but pop-up messages kept telling me to update my computer's software." "I tried closing the pop-up windows, but they just kept coming back. There were too many of them!" "Did you upgrade your software?" "Great. I see whose side you're on."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 20, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"Dilbert, meet your new coworker, Phil O'Dendron." "Phil is a potted plant. He'll sit in your cubicle all day while you try to work." "Does it talk?" "He has three stories that he repeats in an infinite loop." "He'll begin with his reasons for why you should use his tax guy." "Then he'll do a recap of recent reality TV shows." "And last but not least, 'The way we did it at my last job.'" sob "How do you plan to cut expenses?" "Well, performance bonuses are under control."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 27, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"There's one thing you should know..." "Whoa, whoa, Asok!" "What?" "Never tell him anything when he's distracted." "He won't remember what you say. Later he'll blame you for not telling him." "Also avoid telling him anything when he's angry, late, or busy." "And don't tell him anything when he's tense or hungry." "That doesn't leave much." "I usually wait for a yawn." Yawn! "My project is behind schedule because the vendor lied!!!" "The next one is all yours."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2006's comic on:


View Transcript

Transcript

"I couldn't do any work this week because you gave Alice a bigger cubicle." "Your favoritism had a corrosive effect on my morale, thus inhibiting my effectiveness." "I'm optimistic that you'll do a better job of motivating me next week."