Dont Communicate Comic Strips - Page 99
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Share March 16, 2005's comic on:
Carol: Asok, your pointy-haired boss wants you to set up a conference call with all the division managers." Asok: "Um... wouldn't that be his secretary's job? And aren't you his secretary?" Carol: "Hey, I know. Why don't you try to get an appointment with him so you can ask that question."
Share March 21, 2005's comic on:
The boss: "Ted, I don't know how to say this." "We need to lean up the process improvement process so I have to smartsize one resource." Ted: "Wow. Usually it's just a figure of speech when people say, "I don't know how to say this.""
Share March 24, 2005's comic on:
Tina: "How can you think that the software integration project is a waste of time??!" Dilbert: "I don't.' "But if history is my guide, you will abuse the next hour of my life by insisting that I defend your misunderstanding of what I think." Tina: "So why do you think it's a wast eof time?" Dilbert: "Do you mind if I work while yo uhallucinate?"
Share March 26, 2005's comic on:
The Boss: What's this I hear about you hating the software integration project? Dilbert: "I don't hate it. I simply mentioned both the pros and cons. People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred." The Boss: "How can you hate it so much???!!" Dilbert: "This is one of those days when it's hard to be me."
Share April 05, 2005's comic on:
Wally: "From now on, my nickname ill be "the wizard." It wpeaks to my guru status." Alice: "I think I'll call you "the lizard." IT speaks to your small brain and lack of ambition." wally: "Please don't." Alice: "Let's see which one catches on quicker."
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Share April 23, 2005's comic on:
Dilmon: "While you're here, be a dear and run some CAT-5 to my walk-in closet so I can watch my shows when I'm in there." Dilbert: "I've notived that you only invite me over when you need a cable pulled." Dilmon: "I don't want to put a bug in your salad, but I will." Dilbert: "I'm glad we had this talk."
Share April 25, 2005's comic on:
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. Catbert: "Don't rate any employees "excellent" because then they'd deserve raises." "Don't give any bad ratings either because it would reflect poorly on your ability to hire and motivate people." The boss: "How will I make the useless people feel bad if I'm rating them "good"?" Catbert: "Try using this scowl."
Share April 26, 2005's comic on:
The Boss: "Wally, I'm rating you "good" but not because you are." "Company policy says I have to fire anyone rated lower than good, and the hiring freeze means it would shrink my empire." "So you can get paid for doing nothing as long as you don't kill anyone." wally: "I can't promise that."
Share April 28, 2005's comic on:
Tina: Oh No. It's a technical glitch that I don't know how to fix. "GAA! NOw I must humble myself to some condescending engineer and ask for help!" Alice: "And how did I teach you to ask?" Tina: "I'm sorry that I spent my college years drinking beer and studying English literature."