Guarantee Future Business Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Guarantee Future Business

View 981 - 990 results for guarantee future business comic strips. Discover the best "Guarantee Future Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 27, 2012's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #managers & supervisors, #performance review, #perfromance review, #9 months late, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I finished your performance review. Alice: Terrific. It's nine months late and all you did was sign what I wrote. Boss: I think I also read it, but I'm not 100% positive.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 29, 2012's comic on:


Tags #director of change, #employees, #management, #managers & supervisors, #strategies, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're hiring a director of change management to help employees embrace strategic changes. Dilbert: Or we could come up with strategies that make sense. Then employees would embrace change. Boss: That sounds harder.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #controlling gaze, #lazy, #management experts, #managers & supervisors, #one on one meetings, #regular does, #theiveing, #underlings, #work ethic, #toxic saboteur, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Management experts say bosses should have frequent one-on-one meeting with underlings. Apparently, you need regular doses of my controlling gaze to prevent you from evolving into a lazy, thieving, toxic saboteur. Carol: It's working great. So far I feel less lazy about doing the other things you mentioned.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #honesty, #slide toward irrelevance, #redesign logo, #produce tablet computer, #ugly truth, #personified

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: There's nothing you can do about your company's long slide toward irrelevance. But if you redesign your logo and produce a tablet computer that no one buys, at least it will look like you're trying. CEO: Who are you? Man: I'm the ugly truth. Most people just ignore me.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2012's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #employees, #hatered, #run over, #clown, #ugly truth, #demise, #bad wishes, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The Ugly Truth Visits Man: Your employees hate your carb-fattened guts. They hope you get run over by a clown car because it will make your demise extra funny. Boss: I hear mumbling but no on is there! Man: It's weird for me too.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #improvement plan, #90 day, #individual honor, #valuable service, #polite, #thanks, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 13, 2012's comic on:


Tags #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #good leader, #positive attitude, #sultan, #cublicle, #positive, #wishing harm, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: A good leader has a positive attitude and spreads it by example. Today I lived like a sultan while you slaved away in your cubicle prison. I had a great day. Now it's your turn. Remember to be positive. Dilbert: I'm positive I want you to die.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #anti co worker, #padding, #noise canceling, #headphones, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I'm waring my anti-co-worker suit to work today. It has noise-canceling headphones, blinders, and padding so I can't feel taps on my shoulder. Headphones: Mr. Watson-- don't come here-- I don't need you. Dilbert: Heh heh.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 15, 2012's comic on:


Tags #executives, #new strategy, #nimble, #meeting, #business plan, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Our new strategy is to be nimble. Dilbert: Is that the same as saying our strategy is to have no strategy? CEO: Just do your job. Dilbert: Can I be nimble instead?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #gotcha fees, #airlines, #make moneky, #terrible battery life, #high five

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: You need to have more "gotcha" fees. That's how airlines make their money. For example, you could design your product to have a terrible battery life, then sell extra chargers for ten times your cost. CEO: And maybe the chargers could break after two months. Dogbert: High five!