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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 29, 2001's comic on:


Tags #dunking tank, #united charity day, #bonk, #lines, #wait in lines

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The Boss is sitting next to Alice and Dilbert. The Boss announces, "I've agreed to be in the dunking tank for this year's United Charity Day." Carol comes up behind them and throws a ball at The Boss, hitting him on the head. "Bonk!!" Alice and Dilbert look down. The Boss has flipped upside down and fallen under the table. Carol says calmly, "I don't like lines."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 02, 2001's comic on:


Tags #new sales manager, #pig boy, #makes inappropriate comments, #employment screening process, #inappropriate comments, #swear, #date one eyed carpenter

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Alice is sitting at her desk. The Boss approaches from behind and says, "Alice, meet our new sales manager." Alice stands up. The Pigboy enters and stands next to The Boss. The Boss says, "He's a Pigboy who makes inappropriate comments every five minutes." The Boss turns to the Pigboy and says, "Somehow he slipped through our rigorous employment screening process." The Boss looks at his watch and says, "Whoa! His five minutes are up." The Pigboy starts, "So Alice..." Blocking the rest of the Pigboy's comment is "Inappropriate Comment Deleted." The Boss is chuckling. Alice says, "That was very clever. Now let me try one." Alice's pushes The Boss out of the way and screams profanity at the Pigboy. Her comment is also blocked by, "Inappropriate Comment Deleted." The Pigboy's head has exploded. Visibly frazzled, The Boss turns to Alice and asks, "How did you learn to swear like that?" Alice responds, "I used to date a one-eyed carpenter."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 09, 2001's comic on:


Tags #bet, #billion to one, #dance, #immature, #join pool, #lottery pool, #office pool, #rational person, #longshot

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. Wally approaches from behind and asks, "Do you want to join the lottery pool?" Dilbert responds, "No." Dilbert continues, "No rational person would put money on a billion-to-one longshot." Wally says, "You will." Dilbert responds, "No, I won't." Wally says, "I'll bet a hundred dollars that you will." Dilbert responds, "You're on." Wally says, "If you don't join the pool, and we win, I will come to your putrid cubicle and do this dance." Dilbert watches as Wally snaps his fingers and sings, "Ay-yi-yi, hoo-wah-hoo! I'm filthy rich and you're a loser!" Dilbert leans back a bit as Wally leans forward and positions his rear end near Dilbert's face. Wally sings, "HOO-AH! HOO-AH!" Alice, Asok, and Wally convene in the hallway. Alice asks, "Who won the $100 Dilbert pool?" Wally responds, "Whoever picked thirty seconds."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 12, 2001's comic on:


Tags #crossgrain on accounting, #system, #lose respect, #job security, #whole job, #accounts erceivable, #not expense, #no complaints

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The Boss has his arm around Asok. He says to Ed, "Ed, I want you to crosstrain Asok on the accounting system." The Boss continues, "And don't worry that you'll lost respect and job security if Asok learns your whole job in one day." Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Asok says, "I don't think 'Accounts Receivable' is an expense." Ed replies, "No one has complained yet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 13, 2001's comic on:


Tags #accounting system, #dysfunctional, #meaningless, #payroll exppenses, #zero, #management genius

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Asok and Ed are sitting at a computer. Ed looks irritated. Asok says, "Your accounting system is so dysfunctional that the results are meaningless." Asok continues, "How is it possible that no one has noticed?" Ed replies, "I've always wondered about that." The Boss is sitting at his desk. He thinks to himself, "My payroll expenses are zero again. I'm a management genius."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2001's comic on:


Tags #job market, #bad job market, #how hard, #unemployed, #leader

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Dilbert is sitting at his computer. The Boss approaches from behind and asks, "How's the ol' job market lately? It's pretty bad, isn't it?" The Boss continues, "So no matter how hard I make you work it's still better than being unemployed." Dilbert turns in surprise. The Boss says, "Who's your leader? Go on, say it." Dilbert puts his head in his hands and replies quietly, "You are."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2001's comic on:


Tags #new hircut, #gargantuan, #mistake, #frighten children, #froze up, #Opinion

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Dilbert asks the rat and Dogbert, "What do you guys think about my new haircut?" Dogbert says, "It's a gargantuan mistake that will ruin your life, frighten children, and bruise fruit." Dogbert turns to the rat. The rat exclaims, "I'm all froze up! No one ever asked for my opinion before!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 29, 2001's comic on:


Tags #cloning th eboss, #might hurt, #push button, #employeees, #operating room, #doctors offcie, #lab

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Headline: Cloning the Boss. Dilbert has on a doctor's uniform. The Boss is lying on an operation bed with a laser pointed at his head. The Boss asks, "Will this hurt?" Dilbert responds, "I hope so." Alice, Wally, and Asok enter the room. Alice says, "We heard it might hurt." Wally asks, "May I push the button?" The Boss looks nervous.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2001's comic on:


Tags #slow walking women, #squeeze, #oblivious, #time stands still

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Dilbert is walking behind a pair of women. He thinks to himself, "Uh-oh.. Slow- walking women." Dilbert looks around them. He thinks, "I can't squeeze around." Dilbert stomps up and down. He thinks, "I'll make footstep noise so they'll notice and move." From behind the women, he says to himself, "It didn't work. They're oblivious slow-walking women!" Dilbert continues thinking, "Time stands still as I wait to take my next step." Alice walks up to Dilbert and says, "Oh no.. It's a pair of oblivious slow-walking women." Alice continues, "I'll throw you over the top. Then you can open the side door so I can go around." Dilbert's feet fly over the women's heads. One says, "Third one today." The other says, "Weird."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 01, 2001's comic on:


Tags #cloning the boss, #problem with clone, #dna module, #one half horse

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Headline: Cloning The Boss. Dilbert is dressed as a doctor, The Boss is lying on an operation bed. Dilbert says, "There's a problem with your clone." Dilbert continues, "Wally spilled soda on the DNA module. Your clone is one- half horse posterior." Dilbert continues, "And one-half that isn't like you."