Help People Comic Strips - Page 99

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Help People

View 981 - 990 results for help people comic strips. Discover the best "Help People" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #questions, #business, #reasoning, #thinking, #plants

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "You're watering a plastic plant." man says, "yes, I am." Dilbert says, "Why?" man says, "Funny story." Many says, "Your boss replaced the live plants with plastic ones to save money." man says, "My company has the contract to water your office plants." Man says, "No one ever cancelled our contract." Man says, "Now my career is less important than a gnat's toot in a hurricane." man says, "But it's still way better than sitting in a fabric-covered box all day." Dilbert thinks, "I need to stop talking to people."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 20, 2009's comic on:


Tags #business, #plan, #revenue, #excitement, #hair, #money sign

View Transcript

Transcript

Vijay, the world's worst venture capitalist Dilbert says, "A hundred million people need this type of service." Dilbert says, "I already built the website and people are signing up." Foop! $ Vijay says, "When we negotiate my equity stake, focus on my poker face and not my optimistic hair." Yeeha!!!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #job, #hatred, #advise, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert works in collections Dilbert says, " how am I supposed to collect money from people who don't have any?" Woman says, "Tell them to rob someone you don't like." Dilbert says, "?and that's my supervisor's home address. But you'd better hurry before all the good stuff is gone."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 01, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #hiring, #renaming, #confusion, #anger, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We're changing the name of our staffing group to 'Talent acquisition.'" the boss says, "This reflects our new focus on hiring only highly talented people." Dilbert says, "Doesn't that imply that your current employees are inferior to the ones you plan to hire?" The boss says , "Sort of." Dilbert says, "And since you routinely fire the worst performing employees..." Dilbert says, "you have just sealer our doom while expecting us to remain loyal to the company." Wally says, "now all I can thin k about are ways to vandalize the servers before I become homeless." The boss says, "I over-communicated again."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #chart, #appeased, #astonished, #stupidity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "I didn't have anything useful to say so I made this pie chart." the boss says, "Oooh!" Woman says, "Oooh!" CEO says, "It must be true because it's pie." Dilbert thinks, "That worked too well." people say, "I pledge my life and fortune to the pie!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #coworker, #crazy, #shouting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I'm one of those people who can't explain things without a whiteboard, but I'll try." Man says, the?uh?fug?fuh?wah?um?thingamajig?fuh?fuh?eh?" Dilbert says, "Worst case I've seen." Man says, "Yee?woo?ee-yi-ee-yi-moo?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 21, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #deception, #lying confusion, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "This is Phil, our new vice president of marginally legal activities." The boss says, "He'll be leading the effort to make our user interfaces so confusing that people have to pay us for training." Dilbert says, "We already do that unintentionally." The boss says, "Sure, but we can't always rely on luck."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2009's comic on:


Tags #frustrated, #angry, #cruel, #mean, #complaining

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "Being evil used to mean something." Catbert says, "These days I can cut salaries by 10% and people will thank me for not firing them!" The boss says, "So you want to help me eat employee lunches from the break room fridge?" Catbert says, "I'd like that."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 26, 2009's comic on:


Tags #appointment, #argument, #ridiculous, #security, #struggling, #angry

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "Hi, I'm Tom Jackson. I have a meeting with your boss." Carol says, "He has no one by that name on his calendar." Carol says, "The only people he's meeting today are Fob Meterfon, Gom Axfon, and Dabe Aggams." Man says, "Maybe when your boss said he was meeting with 'Tom Jackson' you heard it as 'Gom Axfon.'" Carol says, "Is that how you want to play this? Really?" Carol says, "Security, come arrest this man!!" Man says, "I'm Gom Axfon! I'm Gom Axfon!" The Boss says, "Where's Tom Jackson?" Carol says, "Don't you start with me."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 13, 2009's comic on:


Tags #drinking, #coffee, #crime, #talking, #shivering, #disturbing

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally dabbles in crime Wally says, "A lot of people think crime is a bad thing." Wally says, "But it all depends on how you pick your role models." Wally says, "I lean toward governors, bankers, athletes and sith lords." Dilbert says, "I feel a coldness."